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Loving Yourself | You Care and They Will Care

From the archives August 9, 2005

The difficulty in finding love that is good for you stems from the same difficulty you have loving yourself. For those who believe in God or a higher power, to not love yourself is to not love the very source of your existence. To not trust yourself is to not trust the source of all life. To not forgive and have compassion for yourself is to not have forgiveness and compassion for others created from the same source. What is this source? Call it what you will, all matter comes from energy and all energy comes from Source. Leave the scientists and religious thought leaders left to their devices to try and explain that. You focus on your relationship, to self and to source.

As we become more fully embracing of ourselves, having the intimate relationship that acknowledges the dark and light of who you are, you will bring more love into your life. Loving is vulnerable and the challenge is to be vulnerable to oneself first. It’s a scary place to go. After all, we’ve all heard enough criticism and judgement from others throughout our lives about who we are, what we do wrong, and what we don’t accomplish. When you have a dear friend who is being so self-critical, do you encourage and affirm that criticism or do you remind them that they’re human just like everyone else? Do you tell them to be gentle with themselves, thereby empowering them to try again? As I recall, I didn’t just hop on a bike the very first time and start riding like a pro. It took some practice and a few falls and scrapes. For that matter, after years of riding a bicycle, I still managed to have some rather nasty falls and run into parked cars when I wasn’t looking.

If you’ll be that supportive in your expression of love and compassion to another person, why wouldn’t you give yourself the same courtesy? Owning your power is to not give it up, to not give it away. Keep working it, keep learning, keep falling, keep picking yourself up, keep laughing, and keep going. Life’s just like that, so find the humor, the joy, the laughter and say F-U to failure. Failure only happens when you give up completely. Tiredness is something you create through negative thinking and self-criticism. Find energy in your optimism and your thirst for adventure and the journey of learning that life brings to you.

It’s a question of perspective. It’s all in the vibe baby!

0 comments on Loving Yourself | You Care and They Will Care

  1. Well, I don’t have a lot of time to read anything really with a son and a baby, so this was good. I have been recovering from a major heartbreak that occured about 3 years ago. It was messy, confusing and very difficult to digest once I get back off the ground. I wasn’t the girlfriend or the potential actually either, I was just filler between horrifyingly ugly relationships. I don’t know why I gave it a chance, but the spiritual part of your article really clarified that I had something in common with this guy and needed to learn about ME. So, it’s no wonder I wanted him bad. Now I’m over it and I have come to love myself even though I am scared to love again. Life and the world around me because very hard, painfully ugly and contorted causing all kinds of rough areas in my mind. I felt like I was in a war to be honest, and they say “all is fair love and war” so I guess I was hurt enough that it could’ve been war and I wouldn’t feel much worse.

    Today I sleep just a smidgen more better, I see a lovable person in myself and I forgive myself and him for being so unreasonable. We choose to be hurt, but we do not choose who chooses us, so it can be gratifying that way.

    I know it’s possible to manifest love even if it only as real as we imagine. We can still feel like a princess or a prince – or whatever our idea of love is. I wake up some days and feel like I’m in a big house with a white picket fence – and it’s that real sometimes.

    nilove

  2. Hi Naomi,

    Boy, do I know that heartbreak curmudgeon.

    Interestingly, there are some subtexts surfacing in my life right now around this very subject matter. Love, what is it? What is the need that I’m trying to get filled that causes me to see what is not really there?

    These are challenging questions to ask oneself. Too often we sell ourselves short in life. I’m not entirely sure why, other than the degree to which we are socialized differently in our upbringing and peer groups.

    Visualization is a powerful weapon for fighting off the dark thoughts and feelings. Equally, there are good days and bad. Keep dreaming, keep fighting, and keeping taking one step at a time.

    I’m glad you took the time out to say hello. Not sure about your link there – if that is you or what – but I did enjoy the music.

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