Came from a conversation:
I have so much to share with you. First, understand that I grew up in a family that didn’t observe religion, faith, or anything other than strict discipline and hard work.
As a young boy of about 8, as my earliest recollection, a sense of wonder caused me to question, “where does it all come from? and is there a God? and what is God?” Of course, these were not answered in my home and a conversation with a school mate had me attend his church the following weekend where the “guy in fancy robes that preached” basically told me to buzz off. That was the end of that questioning period. Although throughout my life this had been a recurring theme.
In my early thirties, some serious searching and devastating life events saw me commit to the christian faith – more out of fear than faith or certainty.
What you describe with the church is very similar to my own. After four years, I was completely drained, and when I left the church I wanted nothing more to do with God, nor to do with any form of spirituality. I simply wanted to “get on with my life!” before it was too late, and I was too old.
But that recurring theme followed me, and as events would have it, God revealed presence through science. Suddenly, a thread of commonality, a key to a cryptic code, tied all religious and spiritual thought forms into a more cohesive whole. This is not to say that there are not some glaringly outdated, outmoded, or simply obsolete statements of belief in all systems. Every system evolves into a more refined system. Does organized religion?
Evolution is fact, as is a force of nature that is beyond comprehension. If we ever gain comprehension of this energy that sustains and creates all life, it will still beg the question if there is some other force acting upon or creating this force. The questions can continue. But suddenly, with this realization, my understanding of God, of Life, of Energy, of Creation, and our relationship to it – AND – in it, finally made sense.
This is the the summary version of what has become of my relationship with God.