As a life and career coach with a spiritual approach, my journey has been one of seeking truth, exploring different belief systems, and navigating the complexities of faith. Raised without religion, I always had a curiosity about God, which eventually led me to delve into various religious texts and spiritual circles. After reading the four gospels, I decided to attend a Christian church at the invitation of a college classmate. However, after four years of active involvement, I found myself disillusioned and burned out, ultimately deciding to leave the church. The aftermath of this departure left me feeling disconnected and questioning my beliefs.
A Disillusioning Church Experience
After investing significant time in church service, teaching Sunday school, and engaging in outreach activities, I was disheartened by the lack of genuine connections and support from the friends I had made during those four years. The sense of wasted time and dashed beliefs left me disillusioned, both with the institution of church and with my perception of God.
Rediscovering God through Quantum Physics
Years later, a new avenue of understanding opened up for me through the lens of quantum physics. Recognizing that energy is the building block of all matter, I began to view energy as a potential manifestation of God. Physics taught me that the observer influences the observed, suggesting a parallel to the concept of manifesting. This realization reignited my curiosity and propelled me into exploring meditation, manifestation techniques, and an array of personal development and spiritual literature.
Experiences of Intuition and Deep Awareness
Through my spiritual exploration, I started to tap into heightened levels of intuition and deep awareness. These experiences included empathic readings, which sometimes led to accusations of mindreading. At times, the lines between spirituality, psychic abilities, and mental health blurred, leaving me confused and questioning the validity of my own experiences.
The Dark Night of the Soul: Mental Illness and Self-Doubt
Unfortunately, my spiritual journey took an unexpected turn when I began experiencing worsening symptoms of mental illness, specifically depression with psychotic features. I couldn’t help but wonder if the intense spiritual development I had undergone had somehow contributed to or exacerbated my mental health struggles. The thoughts of being divinely chosen as a martyr and taking my own life shook me to the core, leading me to question the sanity of spiritual prophets throughout history.
Reconnecting with Awareness and Overcoming Trauma
Following a lengthy recovery journey from my depressive psychotic breakdown, I gradually regained perspective and recognized the importance of cultivating a relationship with my awareness. I learned that awareness extends beyond thoughts and feelings; it is the observer that notices these mental phenomena. This realization became especially crucial for individuals, like me, who had experienced traumatic events such as abuse. Trauma has a profound impact on our mental health and often continues to dictate our lives unless we consciously cultivate a centered response rooted in awareness.
The Power of Awareness: Embracing Emotional Freedom
Reestablishing a connection with awareness became instrumental in my quest for personal growth and emotional well-being. By holding my emotions and thoughts in check, or alternatively, allowing them to run free without becoming consumed by them, I discovered a newfound sense of empowerment. No longer driven by past memories or traumatic experiences, I strive to be in control of my emotional responses, navigating life’s challenges from a place of strength and stability.
The journey of a seeker is often characterized by twists and turns, moments of disillusionment, and profound insights. My own path has been no exception, as I ventured through different spiritual beliefs, experienced mental health challenges, and ultimately found solace in the power of awareness. Despite the cynicism that sometimes seeps into my perspective, I am once again beginning to see the value of our relationship with awareness. It is through this lens that we can reclaim our personal power, break free from the shackles of the past, and live life authentically and resiliently.