Deserted, alone, with nowhere to go, no place to call home because home is where the heart is, and even with the sea of people littering the cityscape, the silence of abandonment echoes deafeningly in me. Hunger for that connection starves rational thought, fed through years of abuse or neglect, and keeps the solution always just beyond the fingertips of my reality. I know it is there, if only I could reach out and grasp it.
Abandonment issues are troublesome haunts in people’s lives. How they are created is useful for each individual to understand; it helps move through the issues. Even without fully understanding their origins, it is still possible to move through abandonment issues. We often will never know what happened or why with some people in our history, and we need to satisfy ourselves in that knowledge.
Even by the measure of our own lives, we understand that people behave irrationally and very poorly at times. My life is rippled with choices, actions, and words said that defy explanation. Our goal, of course, is to improve upon ourselves each step of the way. Understanding that each generation has been influenced and socialized differently, we can accept their imperfections, and our own, as we all represent a rung in the ladder of progress for the human race, our family, and ourselves. Step-by-step.
Just because someone else failed, doesn’t make us the failure, or them a failure. The hardest thing in the world is to accept what is. Not trying to make it right, not becoming bitter just because we want to make it wrong. It just is what it is. People are people, I have my shortcomings, my family has shortcomings, and as far as I can tell, so do most people that I know. It doesn’t make any of us wrong. We’re doing life together, and in our insignificant ways, our individual journeys impacts the whole, and more-so when we’re connected.
Ongoing abandonment issues, from my studied perspective, resist change. At the very core comes a serious trust issue when confronted with letting-go and relating fully and completely with other people. The guard is up, the radar is (fine-tuned we think, but is) on maximum levels of sensitivity, and the archives are spewing all the old scenarios from the bad-memory-banks in order to prevent the same things from happening again. Nothing happens. Isolation continues. Abandonment is made more real.
God help me, I say in the face of such adversity. Existence requires purpose, purpose requires relationship, relationship inspires the best (and according to the level of relational health) in one another. Relationship can be friendships, spouse or partner, and others in communities we engage. Without any of these, walls cannot come down.
Bringing down the house means knowing these walls are there. It means recognizing them when they come up. It means finding the courage to open up and expose yourself and the fears to experience the event anyway, regardless of the feared outcome. Without DOING IT, the new experiences that will prove otherwise cannot happen. Positive experiences need to happen to restore balance, faith, and trust in self and others. Only you have the key.
Unlock the gate, and start letting that wounded heart beat openly. Hold in check the fears, feel the pain and do it anyway. Let your pain serve to feed your courage. It is simply there to remind you that you are alive, that you are courageous, and that you are on the verge of a major breakthrough experience. Keep letting them in, over and over again.
We all make mistakes, and we all have misunderstandings. Allow this knowledge to serve as a balance-point to create openess even in moments when perceived injustices are occurring. Quite often, the abandonment history has tales that distort the perception of reality. This often leads the mind to believe something is happening that is not. It also hears and understands things based upon experiences of the listener, rather than the intention of the speaker. So allow this openess to communicate, ask questions, give second chances, and give the process time.
Step-by-step, abandonment and trust issues can be overcome, and the peaceful knowledge and comfort that comes from nurturing a garden of friendships blossoming over a lifetime, with death both physical and metaphorical as people come and go, and time passes along with the rhythm of nature’s heartbeat. It is all transient, and we always remain connected on that heart level. Now trust, and let go.