There are those of us in life who must learn things the hard way.

“Hello, nice to meet you.”

No matter the reason, my being senses and feels things beyond what my mind accepts. It raises questions for me. Often they are questions that raise my own eyebrow at my sanity. Yet, the question remains with me until I find a way to satisfy the need to know and understand.

Know and Understand

To know and understand is a basic human driver. We all want to know others and be known – in short, to connect. Questions, valid or not, represent a disconnect for the individual distracted by them. Asking, even without verbalizing, creates a series of situations in life that focuses in on giving the answer.

But I’d be so focused on the question, where I expected the answer to come from, that I’d often miss the clues and opportunities as they arose.

Bad Things Happen to Good People

We’ve all expressed this at some point. If you’re asking the question, “I want to know” about certain things in life, don’t be surprised to have some Lemony Snicket series of unfortunate events. A recent major blunder in my own life clearly demonstrates this fact.

Careful What You Ask For

A burning desire to know and understand can cause one to leap before they look. Wanting so badly to know the truth, to understand the sensory information, to gain a perspective on meaning, and how to handle or cope with certain experiences often initiates conversations that might otherwise be left alone. You ask that question, you will likely get your answer, but you may not like the experience that answers the question.

A Personal Example

Personal relationships and business relationships are two very different things for many people. For others, they come at everything in life the same. This fact does not matter, it is what works for people and the choices they make. However, in retrospect, conversation and focus do matter.

Venturing from the business conversation to personal conversations ought not be a problem, though it can, and is a problem for people who tend to fumble personal relationships in spite of their good intentions.

‘Hi, nice to meet you.’

I wanted to know and understand something so badly, that I came right out and asked directly. Sometimes this can be a good thing, and yet wisdom will often just want you to wait, watch, and learn. In this case, I was forcing the issue, wanting to gain a level of freedom from my own bonds of misunderstanding. In this case, I got my answer, quicker and more painfully than I’d have preferred.

You Don’t Always Get What You Want

You always get what you need.

At this juncture, learning the hard way came about with badly fumbled personal and business relationships. It was born upon my own burning desire and curiosity to know and understand. It didn’t get a direct answer in response, instead it received a practical lesson of immense proportions that smacked me into the middle of next year. I didn’t like the outcome, and would have missed the gift I was given, had I simply focused on the injustice of what I thought went wrong.

Get What You Need

I got what I needed all right. And it hurt.

When I realized that I now understood the answer to my question(s) – it extends beyond this instance in time – I also realized that this individual did answer my question. I laughed at the irony, and humbly wish I’d had the wisdom to know this sooner, and more importantly, become more comfortable in the wait.

Take Your Time

Grow Trees
Originally uploaded by Thiru Murugan

Answers don’t always come directly from the people you ask the question. Quite often, the universe and events that transpire will answer those questions for you. Press hard enough though, and the people you are trying to get the answers from might react in such a way that you do learn, with unsatisfactory results. Take your time, observe, watch, and learn, and what you need to know may come to you.

Nature doesn’t rush cycles of growth. Learn to observe, being a little more detached, and enjoy the show.