Note: I’m playing with language a bit in order to get to the essence of the experience.
Monday, October 30th, 2006 at approximately 7:45am, I found myself being launched over the handlebars of my bicycle in downtown traffic. Pure awareness was present and time stood still. Even before launch, as the front wheel jammed, awareness saw the inevitable and acted fully. Listening to the body and awareness, I was compelled to commit to the forward trajectory and aid the launch in order to roll through the fall. The mind tried to intervene with all the fears and knowledge of falling, crashing, and the pain to be endured. Only fractions of a second have passed and consciousness puts aside the mind as the inevitable is inevitable. I gently leap forward just so, directing myself and the bike with my hands, as I go into orbit over the bike. Consciousness has already moved to the landing.
My feet are still on the pedals, and hands on the handlebars, as my body is fully extending up and over the handlebars. Awareness sees the path of trajectory leads directly in the middle of the curb, between sidewalk and roadway. Knowing realizes this is not good and awareness immediately assess direction: Left leads to a lamp post, and right leads onto the main road during rush hour traffic. Awareness glances along the lane of oncoming traffic and the lane is clear. Knowing now acts with a directional force between the body and the bike to redirect orbit for a safe landing and roll out onto the roadway. Feet now about a foot off the pedals suddenly become entangled with the bike.
As the trajectory of my fall was altered, the cross force between body and bike, my feet were now getting caught up in the bike going the other way. This caused my weight to pull the bike after me, while the weight of the bike slowed and stalled the trajectory of my fall. Knowing said, “Oh shit, this is going to hurt,” as he realized the forward rotation would not be sufficient to come through the fall unscathed. Suddenly, impact came and for a momentary flash it seemed to be that nothing existed. I wasn’t in my body, I had no sense of existence, I had no experience of pain or impact, only moreso the oomph moment secondarily after impact. It left me wondering. Suddenly consciousness again alerted awareness of the bike following my path and rolling onto my back, I reached out with my injured arm and flung the bike beyond me, still unaware of the extent to my injury.
As I got to my feet I felt the lead weight of my right arm and the throbbing of my entire shoulder. Seeing my bike in the road I reached to pull it up onto the sidewalk and was immediately rendered dead with system overload as all consciousness, awareness, and knowing catching up, focused all attention on the searing pain and abnormal functioning of the right arm at the shoulder. Dropping the bike, turning and stumbling backward, I reached a retaining wall and sat down to catch my breath, regain my balance and vision, and to come back to present. Just then a doctor came to my aid, having seen the accident as she was driving by to work, and within minutes I was checked into emergency.
After x-rays and the once over, I was released with the knowledge that I had severely separated the clavicle and shoulder, all held together by soft tissue and not an actual sockety-type joint. It was suggested that it would take 6-8 weeks to heal, it would be 2-3 weeks before much use returned, and that there was little likelihood that it would heal back to norml. In fact, the follow-up with the specialist suggests that the soft tissues will never reattach themselves in the shoulder. Even so, with intention and some visualization techniques I have focused healing towards that region of the body.
I have followed the urgings of my body, it’s need for rest, for fuel, and for movement. With only occasional pain-killer use the first two-days, I was no longer wearing a sling and could move my arm about with some effort and creativity. A week and a bit later, I’ve regained almost full range of motion and am gradually increasing in strength. Due to the severity of injury, the muscles tire quickly and pain radiates from deep within, although not unbearably. Upon seeing a model of the tissues in the affected region, I continue to focus my visualization and intention on the fullest healing possible, trusting my body, and providing accordingly. And I wait, patiently and gratefully.