from the archives 2005
Had a thought today: What good is it to be a prude? I really can’t help but to ask such a question. Let’s examine this word, this character; the prude.
Definition of prude is: excessively (often affectedly) squeamish or sexually modest person.
Hmm, not a very promising existence. So much of our society has stifled our sexuality and all the pleasures, responsibilities, hurts and all, that it’s no wonder we’re so dysfunctional and at the throats of the oposite sex, not to mention fundamental religion versus those who rely heavily on the forgiveness of sin. I wonder how much healthier we might be if we understood and embraced our sexuality, desires, and differences.
The unique and complimentary forces within each individual, between the opposite sex, and different cultures. The honor and respect given to the difference of the other, the more honor and respect we also give to ourselves. It’s important to note those two words, honor and respect, because those two words are the way you behave and allow you to question established belief systems that fail to honor and respect individual health and freedom.
How much happier, healthy, and stable could we feel with our own identity? No longer in crisis we find our place and power in relationship with our self, our partner, our colleagues, but also community. As we afford more honor and respect to unique identities, their differences, the easier it is for us to find that comfortable identity in community and see one’s own value. To value yourself is the greatest gift you have to give to the world. Imagine what you would accomplish.
Where the fantasy lives. Our minds are highly creative, creating story-lines, beliefs, and images. We’ve all seen so much in the media, the theatre, and news that has been distorted into some grotesque to exquisite state. The power of association, with standards for each image that we have labeled them black or white. We’ve created such a heavy burden on our creative thoughts that we fail to bring these thoughts to powerful use by teaching growing people in the positive power of a responsible expression of their sexuality, including the fantasy life. These are aspects of who we are as human-beings.
The foundation of humans is language; our ability to communicate. That means to listen, really hear, and speak with curiosity rather than judgment. Our curiosity is not just for the benefit of learning about the other, but also for you to learn about you. Increased self-awareness brings learning and understanding of oneself. This is valuable in its application to real situations. You would be more empowered daily. Oh, but the power our civilized culture could then realize as these expressions, created through responsible and powerful communication skills, would bring us closer together.
The more we lie to ourselves, the more we deny ourselves, the more we judge ourselves, and the more walls we build up. These walls also separate us from one another. So what would it take?
You can see as this has been written, it has evolved into the truth that our sexual health is an important element long overdue in its need for freedom to be realized. There are such extremes of behavior and such extremes of judgment, it shocks me that we act so surprised with the state of our world health and communities. Where is all the aggression coming from? What has been suppressed?
Being a man comes with certain power and responsibility. Being a woman also comes with equal power and responsibility. They need to look different between man and woman. This implies each couple may look different than another couple. It does not even assume that this applies to heterosexuality. The essence of the arrangement is the acknowledgment of the first two principles. This includes communication, understanding differences, non-judgment, sexual fulfillment, and active responsible fantasy life; all of these things creating a well-rounded, vibrant, confidant, and decisive member of our world. Gives me goosebumps; don’t you?
With healthier identities, honest non-judgment communication, and great sex and fantasy life, our inter-personal relationships would improve. This would naturally progress to an outward ripple improving family health, stronger communities, and I would suspect world relations.
We need to educate our young, be more honest (most likely more to ourselves), demonstrate responsible behaviour, accountable for our choices, and show how healthy we are as sexual human-beings. Our children would grow-up, still with much freedom, as responsible, knowledgeable, and wiser adults making smart personal choices. What more could a parent ask for?
All of this may sound idealistic, and while I may say, “yeah, I can see how that sounds. I feel idealistic sometimes too. My cynic always yelling in the background. As you’ve had, I have experienced enough positive in many situations, opposite of those times when all hell was breaking loose.” So what are we really hiding?