I read a lot of personal development material, online and offline – and there are two clear competing trends.

One school of thought says keep striving for improvement. Keep doing more. Lose weight. Get fit. Make more money.

The other says accept yourself just as you are. Love your body. Exercise if you like. Don’t look to money for happiness.

Who’s right?

Well, both approaches have advantages – and disadvantages:

The Self-Improvement Junkies

At its extreme, the self-improvement movement preaches the importance of constantly getting better. That has some obvious advantages:

• You’ll improve your weaknesses – areas which may be holding you back
• You may well improve your material conditions (your house, car, bank balance, etc)
• You can achieve great things, accomplishing a lot not just for yourself but for the wider world

On the flip side, though, focusing too much on self-improvement means:

• You may feel despairing because you’re never quite happy with your life – however much you do
• Your achievements can feel empty, especially if you’re chasing someone else’s goals rather than your own
• You can become judgmental – looking at others and thinking “she should get out of debt” or “he should lose weight”

The Self-Acceptance Hippies

The self-acceptance movement focuses on being happy with where you currently are. Again, there are some obvious advantages:

• You can celebrate and focus on your strengths – areas where you’re already excelling
• You don’t need to do a great deal in order to be happier – instead of buying a new car, you can be satisfied with the one you have
• You’re likely to be focused on kindness, compassion and acceptance of others

But there’s a down side again, because focusing too much on self-acceptance means:

• You may feel like you’re kidding yourself – trying (and failing) to be happy with your current life
• You might not achieve very much, using self-acceptance as an excuse for laziness
• You won’t necessarily stand up and speak out when there really is a need for change in the world

Combining the Two Approaches

It’s probably clear by now that I don’t come down on either side of the fence. There’s a lot of value in both self-improvement and self-acceptance – and I both positions can be taken too far.

Ideally, you want to combine the best of each. They might look incompatible at a glance, but they’re not. One way to bring the two camps together is like this:

You’re a wonderful and unique person with particular skills and attributes – and with the potential to use those fully in being your “best self”.

It’s perfectly possible to accept yourself just how you are, to love the body, mind and soul that you have – and because of that love, to want to keep developing and improving, striving to be the very best person who you can be.

Think of the way you might love your younger siblings or your children. You accept them just how they are, and you wouldn’t want to force them to be someone different. But you also want them to live their own best life – to step up to challenges and follow their dreams.

Today, think about which side of the fence you normally come down on. Are you too hard on yourself, constantly fighting towards goals that you might not really care about? Or are you too laid back, accepting things which – deep down – you really want to change?

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Love is the first item at the top of the list, as it always seems to be a central core to what gets discussed. However, this gets to it from a different angle. Your worth fighting for.

Love starts at home, we all know and understand this, even if we don’t all come from perfect homes. Heck, as adult parents, we judge ourselves pretty harshly too. In spite of all the failings and misery, we have it in us to overcome and still love them, accepting what is and that we will never change them.

Love starts at home wants you to look closer to home. If all the money in the world evaporated, the buildings, the cities, the conveniences, and all the things we identify ourselves with, what’s left? What home remains that you still occupy no matter what is happening, or where you are?

Love starts at home is starting with you. You are worth fighting for.

When things aren’t always going right, and you’ve become accustomed to bridging peace, or any other behavior that allows you to remain in a place that is unhealthy for your well-being, or your growth, you’ve got to start at home. The change happens, you reach in so you can reach out; in healthier ways.

Just a little random thinking tonight.

The world has the habit of making room for the man whose actions show that he knows where he is going. – Napoleon Hill.

I enjoy the Napoleon Hill expressions myself and regularly get a daily dose. This one stirred more in me than expected, as often does a lot of phrases of advice that are well meant and often incomplete.

While I cannot at all disagree with this expression, the nuance within the phrase suggests what I’m about to say has merit. To merely say the world makes a habit of making room for the man who knows where he is going, also leaves room for when the world does not. Habits are imperfect, both good and bad.

However, there is always room when a man knows who he is, and more importantly, holds him in good stead regardless of outcomes. Every person who makes a choice endures or enjoys the effect their choice caused. At the same time, choice is merely being accountable to own that decision, so when other variables, or our own error, results in failure, we are able to be empowered through it rather than victim of it.

There is always room in the world for a man who knows who he is.