“CrustyFarts.com would be a good place for that,” she had said.

I was lost on this one. CrustyFarts.com (non-existent yet) is the cantankerous perspective poking holes at the things people say, believe, or do. That said, upon reflection, the cantankerous fool could have a lot of fun with “Keep ‘em Happy, Keep ‘em Serviced, They Stay With You.”

Choose to keep others happy

None of us can be in top-game form every moment of every day. I know, understand, and live this experience many times each day. That said, I am also aware. Noting feelings, thoughts, emotions, and my current circumstances, I can fairly clearly point out what causes me discomfort. More importantly, I can own it and share this if necessary. Also, knowing the source, I don’t have to let it interfere with my personal relationships.

PS, don’t fool yourself about business relationships. They’re personal relationships too.

Exercise Authenticity

This does not mean you have to be a complete open book and confess all your sins past and present. This means to be consciously accountable and open to what is happening in the context of your current relationships and current personal experience of life, emotions, thoughts as you engage and create each day. With this attention to openess, you earn rapport, trust, and intimacy as trust relationships are built upon each successful exchange.

Don’t Think About Right and Wrong

Too often the critic is quick to step in and judge the right and wrong of situations. Authenticity just calls it like it is. Get past the self-preservation desire to create a false image that projects what you think is right, and don’t worry about what others think is wrong. We all make mistakes, and the most effective and powerful weapon you have is to make mistakes well.

Make Mistakes Well

I don’t believe there is anything any of us can do to avoid making mistakes. It’s part of the human experience, of relating, of growing, of learning, and of fun, adventure, and excitement too. Unafraid of the right or wrong, open to the experience of learning and growing, trying new things, and testing the boundaries, the authentic character engaging others will hurt less when the mistake is fessed up. We’re far more capable of explaining our mistakes when we’ve been authentic thus far and people have joined us on our journey. It’s the false-masks and cover-ups that always land us in the most amount of trouble.

Work Hard, Have Fun, and Keep on Working

That is an all-encompassing statement highly relevant to all areas of our life, and I’m going to focus upon relating to others. Whether spouses, customers, peers, friends, or business, opening to this approach at relating to others (in context of the relationship boundaries) will provide ample space for deepening of relationships and loyalty. As with anything in nature, this too is a process and grows over time. Be grateful for every mistake, because each one is a catalyst for growth when we seize the opportunity and have been relating to others well authentically.

Mission Impossible:

Your assignment this week should you choose to accept it: Take note of your false mask, pride and resistance to receive help or be vulnerable and even possibly wrong. Work with the moment, clarity of thought, purpose of word, to engage and express the learning and opportunity in context with the person you are communicating with in that moment.

• Business, keep it professional until take the appropriate steps to deepen the level of rapport. We can only take people where they are comfortable going. Personal integrity will speak frankly, openly, and honestly, in a constructive and solution-oriented manner. You are about success, creating opportunity (from failure), building strong trust-relationships for business and community longevity.
• Personal, my hunch wants me to say stop competing. It’s like we’re all trying to one-up each other and have the latest and greatest fashion, car, music, and friends. Putting that aside and being vulnerable with your close friends, challenging them gently little by little, will create an enriched experience of close relationships with people that really matter. Feeling isolated? Open up.
• Intimate, my soul cries out for women to yield a little to their man, and for men to lift up their woman. I see to much head-butting and a real lack for breaking down the fences and walls we’ve learned to erect to protect ourselves in our families and social circles growing up. Instead of resisting that pain, yield and lean into it, opening yourself up to the opportunity of really experiencing the one truest strongest human desire:

Be Fully Known

A question posed last evening brings a strong focus to where any of us would benefit putting our attention. The question simply asked, “What do people want?”

This will be a good place to look and to give. As I had my attention upon this question, I began to realize that getting what we want comes through giving others what they want.

• Is this too far fetched?
• Have I watched too many inspirational videos?
• I have I read too many how-to books?

And then a breeze blows in with the winds of change whispering across the nations. People want change. People are becoming optimistic again.  People want all the good things life and community have to offer.

Let’s hear about what you want. Leave an anonymous or public message sharing your vision of y(our) future.

From the archives June 29, 2005

Most people get involved in a relationship for the right reasons and leave a relationship for the wrong reasons. In fact, most of us have been guilty of it at one time or another and of being a complete spaz demanding we get our way in the relationship. Remember the movie He Said, She Said? A constant power struggle ensues when you make the relationship all about you. So why do we do it?

I believe the reason this happens is that we make unhealthy relationship choices. In our deepest inner desires, we naturally long for companionship and love in our lives. In our haste, we choose unwisely and compromise for that “next person” that comes along to satisfy that longing. In this context, it’s easy to bend and flex because in the beginning we still don’t know that person. Then as we do get to know them, we find ourselves making more compromises because we don’t have the guts to fess up to our mistakes and all sorts of other irrational reasons rambling through our head to avoid hurting someone else. Bad move, fess up.

In our relationship goals, we need to be much more aware of ourselves, our habits, our desires, our likes and dislikes. The focus should not be on the person, the focus should be on the relationship. Even in the dating context – it could lead to something serious – we should focus on the relationship goals. What is it you want in a relationship? Who are you in a relationship? What do you need from the relationship? And, and, and… take stock and stay open to change, improvements, discovery and more.

When you can answer these questions more clearly and you find yourself able to understand what you can give to the relationship, you choose your partners more wisely. You also communicate more openly and honestly because it is less about you and more about the relationship; you no longer need to criticize them, you can articulate your feelings and needs. The other person can listen better because it is more about the relationship and less about them. And adjustments can be made so much more smoothly from both sides when we communicate on the relationship.

So look at it like a triangle. You on one side, your partner on the other. Instead of eyeballing and measuring each other, look to the peak – the Relationship. That’s your goal, that’s your partners goal, and you look only at yourself in comparison to the relationship goals. You’re teammates, you see the goal, and now you can work more effectively together.

It’s not about me, it’s about the relationship. Can I give that to achieve this in the relationship? Do I want that? Yes, then let’s do it.