Is your mind playing tricks on you and robbing you of your happiness?

Our minds are complex and are often our own worst enemies when it comes to being happy. Really. Our own brains that we know and love deceive us into thinking something is right when it is really wrong, that we’re in love when we’re not, etc. Recognizing and debunking these traps your mind leads you into is essential to realizing a lasting happiness, into creating stronger relationships, and to succeeding in your career.

Check out this list to see if you are being deceived by your own mind! I’d be willing to bet that you have been.

1. I’d be happier if I just had less to do
   Our minds often try to trick us into thinking we’d be happier if we didn’t have to work. We imagine a life of leisure and deceive ourselves into thinking this kind of lifestyle would make us happy. However, the truth is that idleness often leads to boredom and depression. We are industrious, creative beings. We need challenge and accomplishment to be happy. Get up and invest yourself into something significant and you will find that your happiness factor will rise!
2. It’s not me, it’s you
   Many times our minds lead us to believe we are unhappy due to our spouse, parents or some other person in our lives. We throw blame around like food in a middle school cafeteria. Of course, it takes two to tango. As Dr. Phil asks, “How’s that workin’ for ya?” Generally, we are as much, if not more, to blame than others in our lives. We need to accept responsibility for our situation and do our part to make the best of it. Taking personal responsibility for our actions is the beginning of true happiness.
3. I just need to discover the secret to success to be happy
   I am convinced that there are no “secrets” to happiness or success. As much as authors, publishers and our own minds would like to convince us that shortcuts exist, they do not. Living a successful life is pretty simple. You create a vision for the future, formulate a strategy and then work hard to achieve it. There are no shortcuts or secrets to this formula. Accepting this will get you much further down the path to happiness than anything else.
4. If I just had…
   Our minds deceive us into thinking we’ll be happy when we get the right job or the right house or the right car or whatever. There is nothing wrong with wanting better things or circumstances, but these do not automatically make us happy. They may create a temporary high, but this quickly wears off. Those wanting a lasting happiness must acknowledge that this is a bottomless pit that we can never fill.




5. I like things just the way they are and never want them to change
   Believing this is just letting yourself be set up for a fall. Life is a journey of constant change. Some of which we control and some we don’t. Resisting change or trying to control the change out of life is self-defeating. It will drain you and rob you of your happiness. Change is inevitable. You must accept this and learn to go with the flow. Being adaptable is very important to your happiness.
6. If it hasn’t happened yet for me, it never will
   Our minds often get discouraged and disillusioned when success is just around the corner for us. Colonel Sanders didn’t start franchising his KFC restaurants until he was 65, forty years after he started serving chicken at his service station. Perseverance is very important in achieving happiness. Never let your mind trick you into giving up. You don’t know what tomorrow holds. One more day may be all it will take to realize your dream!
7. I’ll just avoid the things I don’t like doing
   It is usually the difficult tasks that our minds try to trick us into avoiding. Unfortunately, these are oftentimes the very things that would result in the greatest rewards for us. What do you put off doing? Why? Procrastination and avoidance of completing important tasks or resolving nagging issues only delays your march to happiness. Attack these head-on and you will find a deep sense of gratification that will fuel your happiness.
8. The world is scary and something bad might happen to me
   Our minds tell us there are a lot of things beyond our control. For instance, the way that crime and terror is sensationalized on television might lead us to think that bad guys are lurking around every corner waiting to do dastardly deeds to us. However, crime rates have actually fallen in recent years. According to FBI statistics, violent crime is lower now than it was 20 years ago! Fear is a powerful emotion our brains use to get the better of us. We must seek and trust the facts to break free and be happy!
9. I’ll decide when I know for sure what to do
   Over-thinking every decision will leave you stymied. Weighing the risks, analyzing the possibilities and making a plan are important, but nothing ever happens until a decision is made and action is taken. We very rarely have perfect information when making choices. Stop sweating it so much! Failure is not the end of the world. Napoleon Hill writes, “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” Don’t let your mind trap you into over-analyzing everything!
10. I know I shouldn’t , but
    Our minds try to trick us into denying the effects of our bad habits and rationalizing our behavior with flimsy excuses. This seems especially common with health issues. For example, have you heard someone say, “I know I shouldn’t smoke, but it helps me keep the weight off.” Or, how about, “I know I shouldn’t eat this, but life just isn’t worth living if I can’t enjoy it.” A major health issue like cancer, heart disease, or diabetes will certainly challenge your happiness. Don’t let your mind get away with this trick!
11. Dreams only come true for those that are lucky
    Thomas Jefferson said, “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” Our minds will sometimes trick us into thinking we are victims of fate. They will lead us to believe “nothing good ever happens to me”. What our brains credit as the luck of others, generally is the result of years of practice, hard work and preparation. Pursue your dream with your whole heart and you might be surprised at the “luck” that comes your way.




12. I could never
    Our brains often trick us into thinking we can’t. For example, have you heard, “I could never go back to school. I don’t have the money.” or “I can’t learn to do that. I’m too old.” Don’t fall for this trick! Your mind is very persuasive in the way it uses this one. It will lead you around like a dog on a leash if you let it. You are full of potential and although your circumstances might add a degree of difficulty, it is nothing that a little persistence and ingenuity can’t overcome. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.”
    Don’t let these tricks steal your happiness!

See how our minds play tricks on us? If you identified with one or more of the cons on this list, don’t despair! The truth will set you free! You now have the power to overcome these deceptions because you can see right through them. Enjoy your new found happiness!

Written on 6/03/2009 by Jeff Nickels. Jeff is on a quest to live life to its fullest every day. He writes about his journey regularly on MySuperChargedLife.com. You can also follow Jeff on Twitter. Republished on 12/27/2010.

Photo Credit: Andrew Mason

Let’s be honest, we all want more in life. We want more money, more freedom, more peace, and more time. In a perfect world, we would have all these things and more, but that’s just not how it happens.

Life has a way of becoming filled with “stuff”. We don’t have more money because we are stuck in a job that doesn’t pay well, we don’t have more freedom because we have to work 60 hours each week, we don’t have more peace because our lives are in turmoil, and we never seem to have enough time to get it all done!

For those people out there (I’d like to believe that there are at least a few) who are enjoying the quality of life that we all want, I am honestly jealous. Like millions of Americans, the chronic stresses of life have taken their toll on me and I struggle each day to keep myself afloat.

I know there is a better way to live; we just aren’t doing it! If we can get over the day to day grind, focus on what is important, and truly think of each day we have as a gift, then I think we have a chance to live a better life.

However, many obstacles get in our way each day and slow us down or stop us from having what we want in our lives. Here are 10 things that need to change in order for us to live on our own terms:

1. Our miserable, detestable, deplorable jobs
   If you love your job, great news. If you’re like the other 95% of the population, then it sucks. Our jobs, although we may only be there for 40 hours a week, can feel like a life-without-parole prison sentence. Like with prison, we feel trapped, hopeless, and doomed to a life we don’t want. Get out before it’s too late (easier said than done).
2. Family stress
   Having children is a true blessing and is the most wonderful thing in the world, but can also be (and usually is) the cause of an enormous amount of stress. Kidnapping, pedophiles, traffic accidents, injuries, and home invasions are all major concerns for any parent, but it’s the whining, disrespectful behavior, tantrums, hitting, and lack of sleep that really gets to us. I have yet to figure out how to have a peaceful household and therefore can offer no insight to this at all. If you have any suggestions, please, please let me know.




3. Being apathetic
   So many people have seemingly given up on ever having the life they want. Life truly wears them down and out and there is nothing but a shell of a person left. This is unbelievably sad but all too common. These folks are just going through the motions of life without any real direction, passion, or interest. Don’t be this person; there is always room for change.
4. Being ordinary
   The world needs more leaders, out of the box thinkers, action seekers, risk takers, and passionate people. What the world does not need is another average Joe living paycheck to paycheck. Stand out, be different, create something great, do something inspiring, just try something.
5. No direction
   With no goals or dreams, how can we expect to achieve anything significant? We can’t. Dream big and get big results. Dream small and get small results. Don’t dream at all and get nothing.
6. Not having passion for something
   When someone can find their real passion in life, that should be a momentousness event for them. Many people will go through their whole life without ever realizing what it is that gets their heart pumping, mind racing, and juices flowing. If you are someone who has found a true passion, live it every day, for that’s why we are all here.
7. Being selfish
   Giving something of yourself without the desire for anything in return is one of the most beautiful things in the world. Our society has taught us a “what do I get out of this” mentality which is breeding a generation of ‘takers’. What we need more of is people who truly understand the power behind selflessness. It really has the power to change the world for the better.
8. Not having a release
   With the constant stresses life places on us, we all need a release. Finding a hobby, activity, or interest can be a life saver. Take up tennis, join a local business group, or learn another language. Without a release, life will almost assuredly bring you down. The human mind and body can only take so much before it breaks down, so doing some ‘maintenance’ is essential to keeping yourself well.
9. Not bettering yourself
   Life is about growing, learning, and being a better person. Never trying to improve yourself is a guaranteed path to living a completely average life. Can anyone honestly say they want an average life? Of course not. There are a million things you can do to make yourself a better person, you just need to figure out what will do it for you.
10. Being empty inside
    If you are walking around feeling like there is something missing in your life, you are far from being alone. Sadly, many people will spend their lives feeling this way. Some fill this void with religion, some fill it by having children, and some even fill it with drugs or alcohol. Find out what completes you Jerry Maguire style and you will have a much more fulfilling and worthwhile life.

Just remember, life does not need to be a chore. It doesn’t even need to be difficult, but we are choosing to make it so every day. Make the choice today to change something in your life to improve it. I know I am.

Written on 12/23/2010 by Steve Roy. Steve is the owner of EndingTheGrind.com, a blog about escaping the daily grind of a 9 to 5 job, building an online business, and living your passions. You can also find him on Twitter at @EndGrind.

Photo Credit: Ethan Prater

There was a time in my life where I wasn’t enjoying it very much. I was so stressed in the pursuit of success that I had in fact lost the joy of living. I spent so much time on the road endeavoring to build a future for my family that I didn’t have time for them. In fact, I was so wrapped up in the pursuit of my future that I was in fact missing out on the present.

So as the years went by, and my children and I weren’t getting any younger, I paused, just for a split second, and did a review. What I saw wasn’t pretty. In fact it utterly disgusted me.

So that is when I gave myself a stern talking to. You need to do that on occasions – and it works really well when you’re looking straight back at yourself in a mirror.

I said, ‘Peter, you’re so caught up in the pursuit of success that you’re actually living as a failure. You’re failing yourself. You’re failing your family, and you’re setting yourself up for failure in some of the most important areas of your life because of your obsession for success in business. So what’s the point of doing the journey, if you don’t take time out to smell the roses? Begin to enjoy every day of your life starting today – and don’t forget the ones you love.’

From that day forward I have been on a mission to enjoy the journey- because yes you do have to constantly work at it. I suppose that’s one reason I ended up in business with my kids as they have grown up into adults – because I just love spending time with them.

So let me share with you five ways that have helped me to enjoy every day of my life – and I know that if you apply them to your life that you will find yourself in the enviable position(yes I have to pinch myself sometimes) that I find myself in today.

1. Learn to laugh
   Laughter is the healer of all ills. Smiling is the balm that soothes and settles. Both are the medicine that sustains a life of joy. Laugh in the face of problems. Laugh in the path of insurmountable odds. Guffaw in the depths of the valleys, and celebrate with wide beams of sunshine streaming from your mouth when standing on the mountaintops.

   Learn to laugh at yourself. Laugh when you triumph, and laugh when you trip. But don’t laugh at the expense of others. Share jokes that lift. Watch clean comedies that lighten the load. See the funny side, and search for it if you have to, to discover another reason to always laugh.

2. Stop taking yourself too seriously
   Why so serious? Stop it today. Lighten up. So many people are so tightly wound that they will either crack up or blow up. Loosen the bonds of seriousness and be free.

   There was an actor that appeared on the film scape a number of years back and he called himself ‘Yahoo Serious’. Now the very name, let alone the way he presented himself – well can I simply say this – it was hard to get serious when he was around.

   So loosen the screw. Let down your hair. Find a reason to celebrate – for whatever reason – and be free at last from serious seriousdom – the land of the deadly serious – seriously!




3. Surround yourself with winners
   I don’t keep the company of losers. I’m at a loss why anyone would. The fact is that if you want to win in life, then you need to build around you a company of winners – in your field of endeavor and then others who are winners in their respective fields.

   Winners commit winning acts. Winners speak winning words. Winners have winning ways. Winners sometimes lose, but don’t stay down. They get up, dust themselves off and go again.

   Fill your world with winning books. Watch winning movies. Listen to winning speakers, but most of all associate with winners.

   True winners won’t compete with you – but will join your cheer squad – cheering you on in your winning pursuit.

4. Make it your daily habit to express gratitude
   Gratitude is of vital importance if you wish to remain fresh and vibrant in all your ways. Never take anything for granted. Always say thank you, and in everything you do, enter with an attitude of gratitude.

   Show gratitude for another day to breathe, to dream and to fulfill the vision for your life. Hug and kiss your family. Embrace your friends. Cherish your clients. Adore your associates. Write cards. Send positive email communications. Distribute social media comments that lift.

   With every moment that you live – make your life an overwhelming expression of thankfulness for being given the most awesome privilege to become the ‘best you’ possible throughout your lifetime here on planet earth. For you were born for a time such as this. It is no mistake. You have a divine appointment with destiny.

5. Pursue your passion with 111% enthusiasm
   We’re all passionate about something. Trouble is that most of us are so focused on earning a living that our passions are often brushed aside.

   But to truly enjoy your life’s journey it is imperative that you take time out to identify your strengths and invest time in the pursuit of your passions – the projects, the desires, and the sparks that lights you up on the inside. Then go pursue them with 111% effort and focus.

   Don’t allow the distractions of life to detract you from your life mission.

   P is for progress, power, productivity, profitability, purposefulness, and it’s all wrapped up into living a life filled with the pursuit of your passion.

Motivational Memo: Untighten the screws, let down your hair and find a reason to celebrate your life today!

Written on 12/18/2010 by Peter G. James Sinclair . Peter is in the ‘heart to heart’ resuscitation business and inspires, motivates and equips others to be all that they’ve been created to become. Receive your free inhalation of ‘motivational’ life by subscribing to his Motivational Memo Blog today!

Photo Credit: eflon

If you would ask me what is the one thing most people in our society need, I would say fulfillment. One of the most complex human emotions and in my perspective, one of the noblest things to aim for in life. It is also something many people are far from reaching, and even far from understanding.

Finding fulfillment has been a big topic in my life in the past few years, so big that it sort of overflowed and I ended up helping other people through my coaching to find fulfillment as well. There are lots of things to say on this topic. But I’ll keep it simple, in presenting my 4 steps guide to finding fulfillment.

Step 1: Understand what fulfillment is. As an emotion, fulfillment is something very different from pleasure or other positive emotions. Pleasure is the basic positive emotion you can feel while you are doing a certain activity, and it’s the sign you are passionate about that activity. Seeking pleasure is all good, but it is not fulfillment.

Fulfillment is a more evolved psychological state, which reflects the fact that a certain activity is meaningful for you. It doesn’t mean you like it, it means that activity is aligned with your values and as a result, your mind interprets it as meaningful. It is only then that you filled fulfilled.

Step 2: Know your values. If the feeling of fulfillment is a reflection of doing things which are aligned with your values, it makes sense that knowing your values well is a must in order to be truly able to find fulfillment. This is something I find that most people have a problem with, which is why they struggle with finding fulfillment.

As yourself this essential question: “What is important to me?” Maybe it’s balance, learning, variation, helping others, creating, being popular or any other thing. This question is one of the best ways I know to discover your values. The key is to stick to it and to focus on the most important things.

Step 3: Create your strategy. Unfortunately, once you figure out what is important to you, it’s not likely that you will be able to get it at the stroke of a finger. Things like fame, success, money or independence don’t come just like that. Oddly enough, even helping others in a meaningful way usually can’t happen just like that.

You need a strategy. You need a sequence of well organized actions to go through, in order to end up aligning your life and your career with your highest values, and to keep them that way. So, gather information, think things through and develop a strategy to create the right conditions for your fulfillment.

Step 4: Fill in the gaps. Sometimes, you will find it hard, almost impossible to align your life with a certain value. You may want to have balance in your life, but you keep finding demanding bosses, which constantly require of you to work overtime, leaving you little time for anything else.

A situation like this is just a sign that you need to get to a new way of being, to be able to deal with this. In other words, you need to develop certain skills or attitudes. In this example, you may need to learn how to set boundaries and how to say no, then you will be able to create balance in your life. Most failure in living by your values is just a sign you need to fill in the gaps in terms of your skills and your attitudes.

This guide is so far nothing but words with a form. In the end, what matters the most is putting it into practice. The fundamental lessons I’ve learned about finding fulfillment is that action and an open mind are the most important ingredients. Put this guide into action, and you will see some very cool things happen.

Eduard Ezeanu is a communication coach who teaches people how to put their best foot forward in communication. He has recently launched the site Conversation Starters and he also writes on his blog, People Skills Decoded. You can follow him on Twitter at @EduardSays

Imagine your life without friends, family, or loved-ones. What would life be like? What would you do? Who would you be?

It’s certainly hard to imagine because a major part of peoples’ identity and lifestyle revolves around the people they care about and spend time with. We’re all social creatures, and relationships provide us support, joy, and an opportunity to grow and learn. Relationships also have a large impact on how we develop emotionally, socially, and mentally. Having positive relationships is crucial for long-term well-being and happiness.

When it comes to having enriching and exceptional relationships, there are a few things to consider and keep in mind. Relationships require an understanding of healthy communication, realistic expectations, love and respect, and clear boundaries. If these areas are developed you will find greater harmony and growth exuding from every relationship you have.

Good Communication
Communication is all about building a bridge to make connections and develop a deeper attachment. It’s about seeking first to understand before being understood and making effort to really show we care about another person. By communicating effectively we can show others we care about them while still getting our needs meet.

Three main steps to clear and healthy communication are:

• Mirroring
  Learning to reflect back the content, idea, and feelings that are being received is essential to gauge clear understanding before continuing with the discussion. This involves listening carefully and paraphrasing or repeating back in your own words what you heard, and paying close attention to subtle signs in non-verbal behavior. This is where two people can really make sure they’re on the same page.

  For instance:

  “Let me make sure I heard you correctly.”

  “From what I’m hearing you would like to spend more time together.” “Is this right?”

  “It sounds like you would want more help around the house. Is this right?”

• Validating
  Once you have shown understanding of the message being sent, you need to understand where the other person is coming from. This means showing respect and support for the other person’s point of view and feelings. Confirm their emotions and feelings with verbal and non-verbal cues showing you understand. Remember, understanding does not always mean agreeing, but let them know their feelings are important.
• Empathizing
  This is where the listener or bystander actually connects with the emotional experience of the other individual. Empathy is a true skill that requires stepping into someone else’s shoes and taking a non-judgmental approach to their state of mind. By doing so we create an attachment and bond that really makes a relationship meaningful. This is also where compassionate behavior comes from.

Following these steps takes practice and focus, though by making a conscious effort to do so, communication will become much more effective and fulfilling.

Realistic Expectations
When beginning a relationship we tend to notice all the bright and positive aspects about others. Any little quirk is cute and attractive, though; our idealistic expectations tend to change as relationships continue to develop. Those things we thought were most appealing may even become the most irritating. We may begin to evaluate things in a different manner and lose patience more quickly.

Most people don’t really know each other until they have spent a significant amount of time together and it’s crucial to understand we will continually be learning things about others as we get to know them further.

The point is you can’t expect others to be able to fulfill your every need. People will disappoint you at times, and learning to accept people for their “warts” is an integral part of healthy relationships.

Respect and Love
There is the love/respect dynamic in every relationship. People invest in relationships for this reason. We want to feel supported, respected, and loved by those we surround ourselves with. What’s the point otherwise?

By gauging the needs of the other person, we can learn what their needs are and provide them this support and encouragement. If they need to be respected, show them respect. If they want to be treated with loving kindness then this is the approach to take.

If we aren’t being aware of the other person’s needs, relationships can get stuck in a “crazy” cycle where petty grievances tend to control behavior and interactions.

By approaching a relationship and doing all we can do to help and support the other person, it can start a cyclical pattern of mutually showing respect and love. By showing respect, one will receive love and when they receive love, they are more likely to show respect.

The cycle can persist in this positive manner if we are conscious of how we interpret behavior and focus on clear communication.

Autonomy vs. Connectedness
When it comes to relationships, what makes them work depends on how the partners relate. Some people really need to feel connected in relationships in order to build an attachment and know they are cared for, where others need to have more autonomy or they feel smothered and overwhelmed. The balance between connectedness and autonomy is another dynamic that makes up a healthy relationship. Sometimes we need to show others we love and care for them, even if they “know” we do. For these types of individuals it’s important to express that you love them and show affection when you can. Though, other people need more personal space and a chance to reflect and engage in external activities.

People need to maintain a personal identity and understand their roles within the relationship. This involves boundaries and ultimately reaching interdependence. A relationship should be mutually beneficial and provide growth for both parties. We are able to truly gain value from relationships when we reach this level of interdependence.

If you have relationships in your life, you must realize the interconnectedness of every interaction. You always have an impact on other people and they also have an impact on you. Learning that we have a mutual impact on each other is a powerful realization that helps us to take a more conscious role in how we behave and relate to others.

We have the opportunity to improve other peoples experience and be a valuable part of their life. Make the effort to conscious relationships where there is clear understanding or roles, expectations and values.

Written on 11/19/2010 by Joe Wilner. Joe is an entrepreneur and career coach who runs the personal and professional development website Shake off the Grind. Subscribe to his blog via RSS and receive a copy of the free eBook, Think Big Act Now.

Photo Credit: Candida.Performa

If spending less than you earned was all there was to personal finance, it’s hard to imagine that there would be over 2,000 personal finance blogs, talk shows, and hundreds of books written on the subject.

There is something else, something bigger, something more complex than this simple advice of spending less than your earn. If there wasn’t, all we’d have to do is control an impulse and we would all be debt-free and on our way to early retirement.

The reason over 2,000 personal finance bloggers can exist in this world, is that money is a daily struggle.

What Does Everyone Have in Common?
Everyone reading this post, no matter the income, gender, marriage status, has one thing in common; we’re all trying to get the most out of every dollar spent

You can even give this concept its own equation: Output/Input.

Your goal is to maximize the output, or what money brings to you, and minimize the input, or the dollars you spend. If you can find away to maximize the equation, money will no longer have to be a daily struggle. Instead, you can use money as a source of happiness.

Expenses that Increase Happiness
For the first time in history, there is a wealth of research on the correlation between money and happiness. In other words, we now know what expenses bring the most value to maximize our output.

One recent article in Psychology Today discusses a study that tracked the expenses and corresponding happiness of over 5,000 households. The researchers were able to draw two conclusions from their effort.

First, happiness increased when money was spent on creating positive experiences. Second, which I found somewhat surprising, was that, “The best way to increase happiness, though, was to make a series of smaller purchases rather than one big one.” says Art Markman PHD.

Why Smaller Purchases?
Why is it that the greater number of smaller purchases are better for your happiness than one big one? I struggled for this question for a good two hours. I was always one to think that taking one dream vacation which costs $5,000, was better than taking 5 smaller vacations which cost $1,000 each.

The whole time, I was missing the point, and that is that life is meant to be shared. Happiness has nothing to do with how much a new experience costs. It has everything to do with being there, in the moment, with the people you want to be with. It has to do with shutting down your job and focusing on you.

The more times you can create a new experience for yourself, means the greater amount of time you’re spending with close friends and family. This is more time you’re with people who you care about and care about you. A true recipe for happiness.

Your Homework Assignment
Spending less doesn’t necessarily mean experiencing less. The goal is to get maximum output, for minimum input.

Make a list of what you can experience with others today. I find it helpful to give yourself a small budget, of say $20. Brainstorm a list of 20 new experiences that can be had for $20 or less. Plan at least one of those activities for this weekend.

OH – and share your ideas here. Thousands of people will read this article today and if each leaves a new experience, we’re all super rich!

All – I love this idea and I’ll put up the $20 for 5 readers. Leave a comment with a new experience that you’re going to try with your family, friends, or even just yourself. My family and I will review all comments and pick our favorite 5. Winners get $20 via PayPal. Please leave your PayPal address as the address in your comment.

- Jay White

Written on 10/23/2010 by RJ Weiss. RJ Weiss writes at GenYwealth.com. A blog focused on helping you finance a remarkable life.

Photo Credit: ^@^ina

How we achieve happiness can be different for each one of us. Our passions, expectations, life experiences, and even our personalities all contribute to the level of happiness we experience in our lives. Some people find happiness in their careers while others prefer the bliss found in their marriages or other intimate relationships.

No matter how you define happiness for yourself, there are certain universal and time-proven strategies to bring, and sustain, more happiness into your life. These 15 timeless secrets of happy people can be adapted and even customized to fit your needs. Over time, these strategies will become positive and life-changing habits that will begin to bring more happiness, joy and peace into your life.

1. Notice What’s Right
   Some of us see the glass as being half-full, while others see the glass as half-empty. The next time you are caught in traffic, begin thinking how nice it is to have a few moments to reflect on the day, focus on a problem you have been trying to solve, or brainstorm on your next big idea. The next time you get in the slow line at the grocery store, take the opportunity to pick up a tabloid magazine and do some “guilty pleasure” reading. Take all that life throws out you and reframe it with what’s right about the situation. At the end of the day, you will be more content, at peace and be happy. Take the time to begin to notice what’s right and see the world change.
2. Show Gratitude
   How many times do you say the words “thank you,” in a day? How many times do you hear these same words? If you are doing the first thing, saying the “thank yous,” the latter will naturally happen. Learn to be grateful and you will be open to receive an abundance of joy and happiness.
3. Remember the Kid You Were
   Do you remember how to play? I’m not referring to playing a round of golf or a set of tennis. I’m talking about playing like you did when you were a child – a game of tag, leap frog, or street baseball when the bat is a broken broom handle and the bases are the parked cars. One way to find or maintain your happiness is to remember the kid you were and play!
4. Be Kind
   There is no question that by merely watching acts of kindness creates a significant elevation in our moods and increases the desire for us to perform good deeds as well. Kindness is indeed contagious and when we make a commitment to be kind to ourselves and to others we can experience new heights of joy, happiness and enthusiasm for our lives.
5. Spend Time with Your Friends
   Although an abundant social and romantic life does not itself guarantee joy, it does have a huge impact on our happiness. Learn to spend time with your friends and make the friendships a priority in your life.
6. Savor Every Moment
   To be in the moment is to live in the moment. Too often we are thinking ahead or looking ahead to the next event or circumstance in our lives, not appreciating the “here and now.” When we savor every moment, we are savoring the happiness in our lives.
7. Rest
   There are times when we need the time to unwind, decompress, or to put it simply, just “to chill.” Life comes at all of us hard and fast. Time, as do the days on the calendar, keeps going forward at its own natural pace, which is not always the pace we would choose. Fatigue, stress and exhaustion may begin to settle in on us faster than we may think, or notice. The best remedy for this is indeed rest.
8. Move!
   The expression a “runner’s high” does not infer an addiction, but a feeling or a state of mind – a state of euphoria. There is no question exercise, or any physical exertion, elevates your mood and enhances a more positive attitude as well as fosters better personal self-esteem and confidence. Indeed, one way to increase your happiness is to move!
9. Put on a Happy Face
   Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it. I’m not suggesting that we not be honest, real or authentic, but I’m suggesting, sometimes, we just need to put on a happy face and keep moving forward. Researchers claim that smiling and looking like we are happy will indeed make us happier. Studies further show that if we act like we are happy then we can experience greater joy and happiness in our lives.
10. Pursue Your Goals
    The absence of goals in our lives, or more specifically avoiding to pursue our goals, makes us feel like we are stuck and ineffective. The pursuit of goals in our personal lives, in our relationships, or with our careers, is the difference between having a mediocre life or a life full of passion and enthusiasm. Pursue your goals and watch your happiness soar.
11. Find Your Calling
    Some find meaning in religion or spirituality while others find purpose in their work or relationships. Finding your calling may be much more than accomplishing one simple strategy for increasing your happiness, but having a sense of purpose – of feeling like you are here for a reason – can perhaps bring the greatest joy of all.
12. Get into the Flow
    Flow is the form of joy, excitement and happiness that occurs when we are so absorbed in an activity we love that we can lose ourselves and time seems to stand still. What creates flow is unique to each one of us. To find and sustain true happiness in our lives, we must get off the sidelines and get into the flow.
13. Play to Your Strengths
    One way to achieve flow is by understanding and identifying our strengths and core values, and then begin to use these every day. Once we aware of our strengths and we begin to play to your strengths we can better incorporate them in all aspects of our lives.
14. Don’t Overdo It
    Know when to say when. What gives you joy and happiness the first time may not work the second time. Too much of a good thing may begin not to feel as good if the “thing” becomes more of a routine, or an expectation. Set healthy and reasonable boundaries for yourself and don’t overdo it.
15. Appreciate What You Have
    Want exactly what you have and know that what you have can be taken away in the blink of an eye. Hold on to it, treasure it, and let it cover you with love, comfort and happiness.

Written on 10/02/2010 by Alex Blackwell. Alex writes for his incredible readers at The BridgeMaker, an honestly-written blog about faith, inspiration and personal change. To receive twice-weekly articles subscribe here.

Photo Credit: Scarleth White

Denial: I have to wonder what this is really all about.

Over the decades, as psychology has gone more mainstream, it has infiltrated every aspect of our lives culturally and socially. It’s in our health coverage plans, employee benefits, in the movies, sitcoms, and even more in the advertisements. I’d say they’re having an influence upon our self and group consciousness.

Earlier, I caught myself asking a question to seek the opinion of someone else about my skill, rather than just toot my horn which was what I was inspired to do in the first place. I had just finished work on a project that made me feel pretty good, and true to joy, a little cocky swaggering was called for. Instead, I censored myself and tried soliciting accolades rather than be boastful. I puzzled over this turn-about and what influenced this censoring.

As I have studied and observed the human condition over the years, it has been noted that a steady surge has broken down communion among people by placing more emphasis upon personal satisfaction and fulfillment. With so much individuality pushed in the marketplace, advertising relationships, etc., the subliminal influences shift our value-base unconsciously. With there being so much negative media created to ‘sell’ to consumers, the personal identity and place of the individual in context to family and community becomes obscured, questionable, and finally, burdensome, to many.

On yet another side, the self-help industry is so full of individual band-aid stories, that the people seeking solutions typically find themselves discovering more personal problems than they bargained for. It’s like reading the horoscope. There are enough generalities and commonalities among people that we can buy into a prognosis which we then make more real through our own belief. In addition, rational and healthy human behavior ends up falling under close scrutiny while answers are sought amongs all the expert opinions, programs, and books.

As I found myself concluding these thoughts, only one question remained. When will simply being a joyful and sharing human being be okay again?

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This has been an incredibly busy and fast-changing fall season; at least, for me it has. It’s strange actually, as I suddenly contemplate what next to say, that as I observe the difference of this fall season against the summer, that the fall season seems more frenetic.

First it is the end of summer and getting all of our last minute summer favourite activities squeezed into the final days. Then its think about going back to school, getting kids back to school, getting more serious about activities at work or career, then we watch and participate in Halloween, Thanksgiving, Remembrance Day, and then we’re rushing toward the final countdown-shopping-days before Christmas.

Honestly, I can’t believe how fast time is flying. As a kid, I would hear other adults say such things, and that time passes quickly. That wasn’t my experience as a kid though, and I’m certain many would remember the same. The summer was long, slow, lazy, fun, fast, exciting, and yet, school was still very far off… until the few days before. Isn’t that the Power of Now?

Too engrossed in the daily moments of life, engaged in activities and lives of people that bring meaning and joy. Pursuing dreams, ambitions, or simply the basics for your own version of a well-lived life. Tomorrow will come, today is sufficient. Somehow, all that crud that gets us all worked up and worried passes, the next day comes and goes, and whether the worries were founded or not, we live to see another day. If we don’t, what’s it really matter at that point? :p

As always, I started writing unsure of what I’d say. I had a thought, “Wow, it’s December already!” and felt like commenting on that. Where it leads from there, and what shows up, is often a surprise. Looking at today’s little sharing of words, I see the wish for your safety, joy, happiness, for this wonderful mad season of shopping, celebrating, people, family, fun, and friends. Notice I left the word stressing out… that is intentional.

Stay safe, have fun, and remember: The worries occupying your mind are blinding your glorious joyful moments right here and now. Don’t waste another second – Go out and have fun. It’s all a mind-game!

Yesterday I shared a significant insight from my own journey. It’s interesting to note that often a powerfully resistant question crops up almost immediately.

“What do you mean?”

It is a powerful disbelief because this realization places even more responsibility on my doorstep than I had otherwise felt real. This is where the sh1t has to get off the pot.

I’m shaken to my core, fully recognizing and not wanting to look, that I simply had to choose. Even in not choosing, wanting to keep the peace, or compromising for meaningless reasons that had nothing to do with me. And yet, they had everything to do with me. I chose NOT to be who I am, pursue my dreams, or whatever other sob story I might have adopted at some chapter of my life.

Inside my body a turbulence is felt, like moments before stepping out on stage for a Grade 3 Christmas recital, or whatever it is called these days. I’m queasy, uncertain, struggling, faltering, stumbling, and crumbling at any moment of any day while faced with myriads of choices that I previously refused to entertain. Why? I wasn’t good enough, deserving enough, capable enough, strong enough, and on, and on. I have done this, on and off, during my life. Maybe we all have. I don’t know. If you’re reading this and nodding your head, then good, we’re not alone.

Now all I have to do is manage the thoughts. However, something about my sensory experience adds a potential complication. I feel things and those feelings often create thoughts. It doesn’t always happen, or more accurately I choose not to pay that close attention to them. For example, I felt my stomach drop out of me (you know the sensation?) and asked the woman about her experience while she was on the phone. It was confirmed that my experience matched hers at the exact time. I haven’t discerned what to do with this talent and curse, other than to run from it. This, too, was a mistake.

The only way is to stand, to be counted, to step forth, to be curious, to be joyful, and to explore life. This starts with trust; trust in myself and in the divine magic of life that exists of its’ own accord. Science can even acknowledge that.