Relationship is the problem with everything, and it is the opportunity with everything. That being said, the human tendency is to make it about what is [[external]] rather than [[internal]]. I’ve learnt this through a series of challenging circumstances, observing my actions and reactions, cause and effect, and experiencing some things from different perspectives.
You know how it is said,
- “the only thing you control is your [[attitude]].”
- “you attract what you are.”
and that sort of thing.
Well, I have found it to be rather annoying to hear people throw that in my face. I am often convinced that my happiness depends upon my environment, and the interactions that occur outside and around me. Don’t you agree? People behaving badly will affect my mood. Gangs are killing people just in the next neighbourhood and it disturbs me. Business ethics unsettle me and I don’t want to participate. You know what I mean?
And yet, there it is. I’m told that it is my eyes that are faulty. I am told that happiness is a choice. I’m told that I can create more despair with my own negativity. I’m told to love myself. And to be quite honest, all of this has been quite confusing. And yet, there is a deep truth to everything lying in the shadows of reality as we see it. That truth is that what I am being told, and what I’m hearing, is in fact true.
The rub here is two-fold. One, that I can experience more [[joy]] daily. I find this difficult to explain, so please bear with me. As I see it, my first task is to feel good. Feeling good begins by feeling good about myself. When I’ve encountered hardships, and I’ve beaten myself up over mistakes, whether my own fault or circumstantial, or whatever, I condemned myself. My relationship within myself was crumbling. As the foundation of my own being crumbled, so did the life around me, thus inviting further disasters.
Now, I said two-fold, and I’ve explained my own internal experience as briefly as possible. Even recognizing this truth about the relationship failure within me, I want to experience a change, to shift toward healing that relationship. Just like any wounded being, however, we seek attention just as though we were sick and required medical attention. Don’t get me wrong, this is a positive move, but it is also a road that could be potentially misguided. Going in with insight brings greater clarity and purpose.
Those who can’t seek out professional help rely on friends, family, and even acquaintances for feedback. All of this seeking out presents a new problem though. Just as the [[awareness]] grows within, our awareness of others, and other societal structures grows. The inconsistencies, hypocrisies, and dualities begin to challenge more beliefs and rock the ability to strengthen the relationship to self. Everyone, and everything that exhibits [[dysfunction]] is suffering too. I experienced this along my journey. There was a breaking point that followed.
Just as I experience struggles, so do others. We may share similar stories, some different paths, and varying intensities, and none equal to the other, and yet we can share the common bond of the emotional experience. The human experience, the sadness, the fear, the trials and tribulations, all commiserated in community that bonds and strengthens the human spirit.
Relationship, remember, is the key. Don’t seek perfection, don’t seek healing, and don’t even seek solutions. These things will come, and yet, the shit is going to hit the fan, again, and again, and again. Seek [[relationship]] and find yourself mirrored in the weaknesses of each other. Share the [[compassion]], [[understanding]], and [[love]] you have for yourself with others, and break the chains that bind. We trip, we fall, and knowing this true of ourself, we allow it with others. All that we thought we should be seeking will be found through relationship. Then we learn the most valuable lesson of all.
Lean on me, and we’ll find that we progress much more quickly with more frequent positive outcomes.