Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look there. — Marcus Aurelius

I remember when I was ten years old, we were asked to write an essay on ‘My best friend’. I thought for a while about all my friends that I had and tried to find out one who knew everything about me. Surprisingly, in a group of very close friends there was no one who knew everything about me. None of them knew anything about how I felt at home and how desperately I wanted to grow up and much more. And few who knew.. never understood it thoroughly. After brief rumination, I realized that I was my own Best Friend as only I knew about my life completely. Hence, I wrote about myself and got a zero as my teacher thought I wrote the essay on ‘Myself’ and not on ‘My Best Friend’.

I have always been a very affable and friendly person and thus making friends was never difficult for me, then and even now. But whenever the thought of my best friend comes to my mind, I can confidently proclaim that ‘my self’ is my best friend.

Whenever I need someone to talk to, I turn to myself. My inner soul gives me the accurate answers to my questions. I ask myself about my actions, needs, desires and capabilities. And I get the right answers and reasons! Only thing needed here to carry on with the conversation is – honesty.

One has to be brutally honest with oneself if one wants to talk to ones inner self. Be firm about your questions, don’t evade even the most elusive ones because in most certainty you will find answers to all the doubts and all the questions you pose to your conscious.

Here are five things you need to do to be able to carry out an excogitative conservation.

1) Build a relationship with your inner self – we all have different relationships with different people. But do we have a relationship with our own self? If yes, what kind is it? Do we love ourselves? Or is our inner soul our best friend? Do we bully our conscious with our actions or do we keep preaching it new things by reflexive activities? Figure out the type of your relationship and improve it. Build a rapport where your soul is free to talk to you fearlessly.

2) Be honest – while seeking answers, try to recollect even the minuscule detail and accept the reality. Be true and genuine and try to reason with full honesty. You will get the right reasons and the absolute answers.

3) Take a moment with yourself – your inner self may not be comfortable everywhere and that is the reason many a times we say ‘I don’t know what I want..’ or ‘I am not able to get an answer’. Go to a place that gives you peace. Maybe on the roof top under the sky, a beach, next to a water lake, under a tree, in a dark room, while walking on the road or anywhere. Only you know which place lets you talk freely to your self.

4) Ask questions – excruciate yourself with all the questions you have in mind. Don’t just ask ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions. Ask why you did something or why you want something. Get answers to questions like what if you had done it differently, how could you not do it, would you do it again etc.

5) Respect your inner self – there is no use of letting your conscious speak, if you do not listen to it. Because if you disobey your inner voice few times, it stops talking to you. So, start venerating your soul’s voice and next time whenever you try to listen to your heart, actually LISTEN to it.

After all, myself is nothing but my ‘self’ is all!

—-

Surabhi lives in Andaman and Nicobar Islands, a group of islands in southern India, with her husband and nine month old daughter. She quit a corporate job to focus on her family and enjoy the process of being a mother and a home maker. She believes simply: ‘it is good to live’ and her blog is an attempt to prove it. It is a platform to share thoughts, ideas, happiness and sorrows. She would be delighted if you join it !

Don’t Forget To Follow Us On Twitter!

Related Articles:

How To Increase Self Discipline

How To Motivate Yourself

Last year Facebook passed up Google for the most visited site in the world. What an interesting trend we are seeing, where people are searching for connections more than answers. Yet, for many, the full potential of social media eludes them.

One of the most impressive benefits I’ve found from social media has come from making powerful connections with my idols, mentors, and people I looked up to. We live in a remarkable time where the barriers to reaching those people are now lower than ever.

How I Met Brian Bendis From Marvel Comics
Ever since I was little, I have been a fan of superheroes. At the age of 8, I was fighting Leukemia and spent many days at Phoenix Children’s Cancer Center. One of the distractions I took advantage of was painting the hospital window of my room with whatever lit on my imagination. With my mother’s help, Spider-Man and Wolverine would watch over me as I underwent chemotherapy, surgeries, and any other cancer treatment. Those images stuck with me as I looked back on the successful life I’ve had from over a decade in remission.

Coming out of cancer survival, I had one person I always wanted to meet, Brian Michael Bendis.

Very few people outside of the comic book industry probably know who Brian M. Bendis is. However, he happens to be one of Marvel’s top writers. He’s won 5 Eisner Awards (picture Oscar’s for Comics), 9 Best Writer of the Year Awards, and many other nominations.

Thanks to the power of social media, I’ve now met with Brian Bendis, as well as made connections with other writers, artists, and industry giants. Furthermore, it has led to amazing opportunities where I’ve received autographs, read scripts, and more. All from following 6 essential steps.

6 Steps to Make Powerful Connections
Even though I use the writers, artists, and creators of one particular hobby as an example, these same steps can be used to make connections with future employers, your inspirers, business leaders, authors, more.

• Identify Those You Want to Connect With
  Do you remember how it felt when you were a kid at Disneyland the first time? You were excited for the rides, but you also were probably excited to meet the different characters.

  Our grown up lives are not much different. We all have those people who if we happened to see on the street we’d die to go up and get a picture with, ask some questions, or get lunch together.

  Before you can make connections through social media you have to know who you want to connect with.

• Listen
  Ever go to a book signing when you haven’t read the author’s book? Interviewed for a job without researching what the company did? Of course not, so why would you expect to start building a new relationship with someone without knowing more about them on a personal level? This may be one of the most crucial steps to connecting with others, so do it right.

  The other part to this step is knowing what to listen for. It’s quite simple, PASSION. Just because someone is a movie star, a Grammy winner, or a National Best Seller, doesn’t mean they don’t have their own personal passions.

  When I found out Brian Bendis was going to be in town I prepared. I listened to detailed hour long interviews he gave to special niche bloggers and friends. I found out from listening that his daughter at only 8 years old was co creating a new graphic novel with him. What could a father be more excited for? When I got to meet him in a crowd of hundreds, I knew what to really ask. Bendis answered question after question about all the popular books and characters, Iron-Man, Spider-Man, and The Avengers. I then asked him, “Can you tell us about your daughter’s involvement with Takio, the book she is co-creating.” He smiled and went on to share a great story. Afterwards, when I spoke with him one on one, he thanked me for asking thoughtful questions, signed some books, took a picture with me and then followed up with me on Twitter. All this because I had listened.

• Interact
  Once you have identified and listened to what your connection is passionate about and where you can connect, the interaction becomes easier.

  See if they have a Facebook fan page, Twitter account, or LinkedIn profile. Google them to see if they have a blog or site as well. Once you have an avenue to interact, make a positive first impression.

  Another important note is to interact with the people they communicate with as well. So if you have a leader in a particular field you want to get in touch with, see who they follow, friend, and share information from. Then put yourself in their circle by taking the next step.

• Contribute
  Possibly one of the reasons Facebook was able to pass Google in ranking was because of its ability to contribute what people wanted. We didn’t have to search for that funny video or topical article, because “so and so” on Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter is already finding those things for me.

  If you want to make strong connections, you need to be recognized as a contributor as well. Find ways to add to the industry of those you want to connect with. If you know what they are passionate about, keep an eye open for any fascinating articles, videos, or content that they would love to see.

  For instance, I made a twitter account just for comic book related matters so I could contribute to that industry and therefore make connections with those involved as well. One person I wanted to reach out to was Johnjay Van Es, a popular radio dj who has 10’s of thousands of followers he might be able to send my way. Asking him directly to do that would never work, so I thought of a clever way to get his attention. After listening, I knew he always had a strong self-image. I thought he carried a resemblance to Chris Hemsworth’s Thor, so I took five minutes to edit a side by side image and sent it to him saying I saw a mighty resemblance. Two seconds later he was sharing it with all of his own followers and sent me his own comments.

• Be Interesting, Relative, or Entertaining
  Making connections requires work, but it can be a lot of fun as well. I’ve found if you want to get the USEFUL attention you need to be interesting, relative, or entertaining.

  Even though comics carry such a negative connotation and are seen as a very small niche, I gathered many mainstream followers by commenting on current events and pop culture from a superhero perspective.

  The tweet below on Don’t Ask Don’t Tell beat out Barak Obama’s tweet on the same topic.

  “All this #DADT talk makes Thor really excited. Finally Batman and Robin can enlist in thee army without fear!”

• Be Consistent
  The last thing to help you connect through social media is to be consistent. Just as a NBA pro has to keep making baskets or a pilot needs to land airplanes, to thrive in social media you need to be consistently interesting.

  If it feels like a chore, than consider if you are passionate about the people you are connecting with. If they aren’t the Mickey Mouse of Goofy of your childhood dreams, than they might not be worth the effort.

All in all, there is a great opportunity to make connections, unlike any other time in our history. We all understand, “it’s who you know that counts.” Social media just makes it all the more easier to approach those people.

Written on 1/16/2011 by Bryce Christiansen. Bryce is the Marketing Coordinator for the Balanced WorkLife Blog, where he writes on personal growth, career development, and value based networking.

Photo Credit: chaztoo

Communication is always looked upon as key factor in a person’s overall growth whether in career, personal or professional relationships. Therefore to truly be successful, one of the major techniques that must be mastered is the art of communicating – understanding people and being understood by them.

What is effective communication?

Many people confuse communication with excessive talking. Effective communication is not excess talking. It’s actually talking less, saying more.

It is the art of conveying a message effortlessly which most of the crowd understands and grasps quickly.

I meet a lot of talented people who can deliver excellent results when it comes to their work but struggle when it comes to communication. They can’t express or explain what work they have done in a convincing manner. It’s true that work speaks for itself but we are in the modern world and one need to have minimum level of effective communication. You will get right answers if you ask right questions. Communication helps you to ask right questions. Communication helps you to bridge the gap between what you know and what you want to know.

Let me share a few tips that have helped me immensely:

Breaking the ice

To become an effective communicator, first thing you need to do is to learn to break the ice. You need to get started with something (even by asking a question) whether be it in a meeting or a general discussion. You also need to be a good listener if you want to ask right questions.

Once you break the ice, continue with your normal tone and speak few words about relevant matter. Don’t worry if it doesn’t sound effective at first attempt. Your mind if powerful and it knows how to better your speech next time. It’s important to get started.

Let the words flow

Deliver your words like a flow of water. Speak to the point, be clear and maintain continuity. However you can pause in between to get the feedback of audience if you’re giving a public speech. Try to make your public speech interactive by asking questions or launching an on spot quiz. People love quizzes.

Don’t repeat words

Next thing is enhancing your vocabulary of words. You shouldn’t use same words repeatedly in your speech. Learn new words and add quality to your speech. It also helps to improve your written communication as well. This wont happen overnight but with little effort and consistency, you can enhance your vocabulary.

Pictures speak a thousand words

Effective communication also plays very important when it comes to expressing your ideas if you work in a creative field. Feel free to use few tools to aid your communication (in this case, a presentation) such as a drawing, a flowchart or a PowerPoint presentation.  Picture speak thousands words.

Learn time management

Effective communication needs time management. If you are presenting a research paper, learn to manage the time and set your internal benchmarks for completing certain portions of the paper. Aim to finish the presentation in allotted slot of time – and you won’t be rushed at the last minute, and unable to convey your arguments/points.

Participate

Try attending seminars where a seasoned speaker gives a speech about a topic. Observe his gestures and mannerisms. Observe his tone variations. Start putting your learning into practice. Soon, you will start noticing gradual changes in your communication pattern and an effective communication has positive effective in career and relationships.

Invest your time in learning effective communication.  It gives you unbeatable rewards.

About the Author: Naveen Kulkarni writes about personal development and ideas about productivity at his own blog Winning Ideas.  You can follow him on Twitter.

Don’t Forget to SIGN UP for the PTB newsletter!

Related Articles:

A Smarter Approach To Time Management

Tips For Breaking Bad Habits and Developing Good Habits

There was a time in my life when I didn’t have friends.

None. Zero. Zilch.

I was that kid sitting by himself at lunch. Socially awkward, painfully shy, a bit of a nerd, and overweight. Not a great combination when you’re in middle school and trying to fit in.

Turns out, I would never fit in.

But that didn’t mean I’d never make friends.

It took several years, lots of trial and error, and a bit of finding myself, but I eventually figured out how to make friends. First, I had to unlearn the habits, actions, and beliefs which had been holding me back.

I’ve compiled a list of some of my own missteps, along with negative traits I’ve seen in other people. If you’re still eating lunch alone, make sure you aren’t doing any of these 6 things:

1. Be needy. People aren’t attracted to neediness. This is true for dating, friendships, and even sales. People can smell desperation a mile away and it’s a huge turnoff. An unhealthy need for another person suggests weakness and places a burden on the needed party. Learn to keep your relationships in perspective and realize your true self-worth. Ironically, when you care less what people think of you, you’ll find more people want to be with you.

2. Put yourself down. A little self-deprecating humor can go a long way, but being hypercritical about your faults will just invite others to join you. Whether you know it or not, you could be setting up potential conflicts later. For example, if you harp on your constant tardiness, you’re going to run into more problems when you are running late. Being hard on yourself teaches others how to treat you. Show yourself respect and your friends are more likely to do so.

3. Put other people down. Okay, I admit it – gossip can be fun. Especially when you’re making fun of that clueless jerk at the office who thinks way too highly of himself. But if all you do is criticize other people, I can only imagine what you say about me when I’m not around. A good rule of thumb is to not say anything about others which you wouldn’t say to their faces. And if you do gossip, try and keep it to a minimum and focused on people like that clueless jerk. If you trash more people than you speak nicely of, you’ll find it hard to make real friends.

4. Be negative. Misery loves company, as the old saying goes. And it’s right, people often find solace in sharing their problems with others. However, if that’s all you do, you’re sabotaging your relationships. Nobody wants to be around a mood anchor all the time. For one, it’s suffocating. For two, it isolates you from those who are happy. If your best friend just got a promotion, she’s a lot less likely to celebrate with you if she thinks her good news will bring you down. Eventually, your negativity will isolate you from people who are genuinely enjoying their lives. This can be a tough cycle to break free from once you’re in it, so try to stay positive.

5. Talk more than you listen. We’ve all been in a conversation with someone who is just going through the motions, not listening to a word you’re saying, waiting for the moment they can tell their story. One of the most important things you can do as a friend is to listen to others. This shows you care about them and what they have to say. Who knows, if you keep your mouth shut long enough, you just might learn something!

6. Pretend to be someone you’re not. People are social animals, sometimes sliding in and out of skins more frequently than Lady Gaga wardrobe changes. While this may work in getting people to like you and gaining popularity, it won’t garner you any true friends. Be yourself. Embrace your inner weird. Eventually, you will find your tribe – people of similar nature who will appreciate your unique personality.

Perhaps the most important rule in friendship is to simply be a friend.

Got any advice on what to do and what not to do when making friends? Or just some thoughts on this advice? Leave a comment below.

David Wright is a ghostwriter who is chronicling his year in self improvement at Project 30 Days starting in January.

What do people say about you when you’re not around?

A couple of years ago, when I first started blogging, I met this guy, David Fowler. He had started a parenting blog shortly after I did and we struck up a friendship. He’s a talented writer with a razor-sharp wit. Sure we teased each other back and forth, as guys tend to do, but I’ll say this about Dave, he’s one of the most honest, and genuine people I know.

And the funny thing is, that’s pretty much the opinion of anyone I run into who has “met” him (online).

Why is that?

Well, for one, Dave’s the kind of guy who offers to help you without being asked. He promotes your stuff when there’s nothing in it for him, and who is always there when you need someone to talk to. And he’s funny and charming, to boot.

The reason I bring Dave up is that I genuinely want Dave to be a HUGE success! He deserves it. He’s the nice guy you root for. He’s the down-to-earth and a caring family guy who can life your spirits or make you laugh with a comment or email.

He’s a VIP – A Volunteer Interested In People.

He’s someone who genuinely likes people, and who you, in turn, can’t help but like.

Now you see how I feel about Dave, right? Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone was a VIP? How awesome would this world be with everyone being nice to everyone, helping one another out?

Yeah, I know it will never happen. But, if you’d like people to love you even when you’re not around, then maybe you should learn some lessons on how a VIP does it.

Here’s some tips on how to make people say awesome things about you.

Be yourself. Most VIPs I’ve known are authentic people. They don’t hide their flaws, and in fact, oftentimes, use them to their advantage – their little colorful quirks. Be yourself and true to your principles, and you’ll work your way into the hearts of people who recognize and appreciate the real you.

Ask about others. Ever have a conversation where you knew the other person was just going through the motions? They didn’t ask logical follow-up questions, which proved they either weren’t paying attention, or worse, they didn’t care about you. I don’t know about you, but that leaves a horrible impression on me. I’m more likely to think well of the person who hung on my every word, or at least seemed interested in what I was saying. It’s human nature – people like people who like them!

Be complimentary. This kind of goes with the above section. But saying nice things is one of the quickest ways you can endear yourself to others. I’m not saying to be a big phoney about it. Nobody wants to feel like you’re blowing smoke up their rears. Find something genuinely nice to say, and say it.

Remember the details. Try to remember the projects people told you about, the names of their spouses or children, the fact that they have a Beagle. If you can’t remember, try and take notes and brush up on the facts before meeting the person. Remembering the details that most people forget immediately puts you above most people.

Offer your help. When a VIP meets someone, they don’t ask favors or inquire about things for themselves. They offer their assistance. This isn’t just good advice for being well thought of, but also sage networking advice. If you’re looking to form a relationship or work with someone, try to know what their needs are in advance, and suggest how you can help them meet those needs. Then, when an opportunity for someone like you pops up, who is that person more likely to offer it to? The person that helped them, of course!

Promote others’ interests. Be a champion for other people and their causes. Be a cheerleader! Talk about the good things other people are doing. Not only does this help spread the word to interested people, but it also makes you look like a VIP! When you have something you’re looking to promote, people will likely offer to help you without you even needing to ask.

Don’t trash other people. This should probably go without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. If you’re trashing other people, it’s not likely to reflect well on you. Because if you’re talking badly about a mutual friend to me, I can only imagine what you’d say to another friend about me.

Be positive (or at least entertaining). Nobody wants to be around someone who is always miserable. Be cheerful, or at least be entertaining or interesting, and people can’t help but think highly of you.

There is no set of instructions to make ALL people love you, of course. But adopting some of these ideas into your relationships could improve not just the lives of others, but your life as well.

Got any suggestions for becoming a VIP? Please share them with us in the comments!

David Wright is a ghostwriter who is chronicling his year in self improvement at Project 30 Days starting in January.

There was a time in my life where I wasn’t enjoying it very much. I was so stressed in the pursuit of success that I had in fact lost the joy of living. I spent so much time on the road endeavoring to build a future for my family that I didn’t have time for them. In fact, I was so wrapped up in the pursuit of my future that I was in fact missing out on the present.

So as the years went by, and my children and I weren’t getting any younger, I paused, just for a split second, and did a review. What I saw wasn’t pretty. In fact it utterly disgusted me.

So that is when I gave myself a stern talking to. You need to do that on occasions – and it works really well when you’re looking straight back at yourself in a mirror.

I said, ‘Peter, you’re so caught up in the pursuit of success that you’re actually living as a failure. You’re failing yourself. You’re failing your family, and you’re setting yourself up for failure in some of the most important areas of your life because of your obsession for success in business. So what’s the point of doing the journey, if you don’t take time out to smell the roses? Begin to enjoy every day of your life starting today – and don’t forget the ones you love.’

From that day forward I have been on a mission to enjoy the journey- because yes you do have to constantly work at it. I suppose that’s one reason I ended up in business with my kids as they have grown up into adults – because I just love spending time with them.

So let me share with you five ways that have helped me to enjoy every day of my life – and I know that if you apply them to your life that you will find yourself in the enviable position(yes I have to pinch myself sometimes) that I find myself in today.

1. Learn to laugh
   Laughter is the healer of all ills. Smiling is the balm that soothes and settles. Both are the medicine that sustains a life of joy. Laugh in the face of problems. Laugh in the path of insurmountable odds. Guffaw in the depths of the valleys, and celebrate with wide beams of sunshine streaming from your mouth when standing on the mountaintops.

   Learn to laugh at yourself. Laugh when you triumph, and laugh when you trip. But don’t laugh at the expense of others. Share jokes that lift. Watch clean comedies that lighten the load. See the funny side, and search for it if you have to, to discover another reason to always laugh.

2. Stop taking yourself too seriously
   Why so serious? Stop it today. Lighten up. So many people are so tightly wound that they will either crack up or blow up. Loosen the bonds of seriousness and be free.

   There was an actor that appeared on the film scape a number of years back and he called himself ‘Yahoo Serious’. Now the very name, let alone the way he presented himself – well can I simply say this – it was hard to get serious when he was around.

   So loosen the screw. Let down your hair. Find a reason to celebrate – for whatever reason – and be free at last from serious seriousdom – the land of the deadly serious – seriously!




3. Surround yourself with winners
   I don’t keep the company of losers. I’m at a loss why anyone would. The fact is that if you want to win in life, then you need to build around you a company of winners – in your field of endeavor and then others who are winners in their respective fields.

   Winners commit winning acts. Winners speak winning words. Winners have winning ways. Winners sometimes lose, but don’t stay down. They get up, dust themselves off and go again.

   Fill your world with winning books. Watch winning movies. Listen to winning speakers, but most of all associate with winners.

   True winners won’t compete with you – but will join your cheer squad – cheering you on in your winning pursuit.

4. Make it your daily habit to express gratitude
   Gratitude is of vital importance if you wish to remain fresh and vibrant in all your ways. Never take anything for granted. Always say thank you, and in everything you do, enter with an attitude of gratitude.

   Show gratitude for another day to breathe, to dream and to fulfill the vision for your life. Hug and kiss your family. Embrace your friends. Cherish your clients. Adore your associates. Write cards. Send positive email communications. Distribute social media comments that lift.

   With every moment that you live – make your life an overwhelming expression of thankfulness for being given the most awesome privilege to become the ‘best you’ possible throughout your lifetime here on planet earth. For you were born for a time such as this. It is no mistake. You have a divine appointment with destiny.

5. Pursue your passion with 111% enthusiasm
   We’re all passionate about something. Trouble is that most of us are so focused on earning a living that our passions are often brushed aside.

   But to truly enjoy your life’s journey it is imperative that you take time out to identify your strengths and invest time in the pursuit of your passions – the projects, the desires, and the sparks that lights you up on the inside. Then go pursue them with 111% effort and focus.

   Don’t allow the distractions of life to detract you from your life mission.

   P is for progress, power, productivity, profitability, purposefulness, and it’s all wrapped up into living a life filled with the pursuit of your passion.

Motivational Memo: Untighten the screws, let down your hair and find a reason to celebrate your life today!

Written on 12/18/2010 by Peter G. James Sinclair . Peter is in the ‘heart to heart’ resuscitation business and inspires, motivates and equips others to be all that they’ve been created to become. Receive your free inhalation of ‘motivational’ life by subscribing to his Motivational Memo Blog today!

Photo Credit: eflon

I read a lot of personal development material, online and offline – and there are two clear competing trends.

One school of thought says keep striving for improvement. Keep doing more. Lose weight. Get fit. Make more money.

The other says accept yourself just as you are. Love your body. Exercise if you like. Don’t look to money for happiness.

Who’s right?

Well, both approaches have advantages – and disadvantages:

The Self-Improvement Junkies

At its extreme, the self-improvement movement preaches the importance of constantly getting better. That has some obvious advantages:

• You’ll improve your weaknesses – areas which may be holding you back
• You may well improve your material conditions (your house, car, bank balance, etc)
• You can achieve great things, accomplishing a lot not just for yourself but for the wider world

On the flip side, though, focusing too much on self-improvement means:

• You may feel despairing because you’re never quite happy with your life – however much you do
• Your achievements can feel empty, especially if you’re chasing someone else’s goals rather than your own
• You can become judgmental – looking at others and thinking “she should get out of debt” or “he should lose weight”

The Self-Acceptance Hippies

The self-acceptance movement focuses on being happy with where you currently are. Again, there are some obvious advantages:

• You can celebrate and focus on your strengths – areas where you’re already excelling
• You don’t need to do a great deal in order to be happier – instead of buying a new car, you can be satisfied with the one you have
• You’re likely to be focused on kindness, compassion and acceptance of others

But there’s a down side again, because focusing too much on self-acceptance means:

• You may feel like you’re kidding yourself – trying (and failing) to be happy with your current life
• You might not achieve very much, using self-acceptance as an excuse for laziness
• You won’t necessarily stand up and speak out when there really is a need for change in the world

Combining the Two Approaches

It’s probably clear by now that I don’t come down on either side of the fence. There’s a lot of value in both self-improvement and self-acceptance – and I both positions can be taken too far.

Ideally, you want to combine the best of each. They might look incompatible at a glance, but they’re not. One way to bring the two camps together is like this:

You’re a wonderful and unique person with particular skills and attributes – and with the potential to use those fully in being your “best self”.

It’s perfectly possible to accept yourself just how you are, to love the body, mind and soul that you have – and because of that love, to want to keep developing and improving, striving to be the very best person who you can be.

Think of the way you might love your younger siblings or your children. You accept them just how they are, and you wouldn’t want to force them to be someone different. But you also want them to live their own best life – to step up to challenges and follow their dreams.

Today, think about which side of the fence you normally come down on. Are you too hard on yourself, constantly fighting towards goals that you might not really care about? Or are you too laid back, accepting things which – deep down – you really want to change?

Don’t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!

Related Articles:

Overcoming A Loss Of Motivation

Free Audio Books For Motivation

Are you similar to many other people and a little too attached to your cellphone? Does it seem only appropriate that when your cellphone rings you should answer it the vast majority of the time regardless of who you are with or what you are doing? Are there Twitter or Facebook alerts popping up every three seconds? Is there really anything wrong with multitasking and taking the occasional call during dinner, or checking e-mail while you are in a meeting?

Believe it or not, your cellphone is possibly causing you more harm than good. The majority of us probably need to take a look and change how we manage our cellphone use. Honestly, how many people can you see right now? How many are nursing their iPhone like it’s a newborn?

Don’t get me wrong, I am just as attached to my cellphone as anyone. My Droid literally changed my life; e-mail and texts are an essential part of my day and I honestly don’t remember how I existed without instant access to the internet.

But, have you noticed how cellphones have a tendency to just take over and constantly demand a significant part of your attention? You can go through life on autopilot jumping from one e-mail to the next, responding to voice mail messages, and not really ever paying enough attention to the experiences happening right in front of you. It is not that you are totally oblivious to what is going on, but let’s face it, if you are continually being disrupted by your cellphone, you are just not nearly as engaged as you could be.

Cellphones are literally masters of distraction and they can take your attention away from just about anything instantly and consistently.

The Negatives to Being “On Demand”
The ability to instantly connect with anyone has its advantages, but it also has its costs if not managed properly. Don’t underestimate the damage caused by allowing your cellphone to constantly require you to multitask.

Research has proven that workers distracted by email and phone calls suffer from many issues, even including a fall in IQ during the period of distraction. “Those who are constantly breaking away from tasks to react to email or text messages suffer similar effects on the mind equivalent to losing a night’s sleep.” The same study also found multitasking has a negative physical effect, prompting the release of stress hormones and adrenaline.

And, the usual justification that multitasking allows you to accomplish more also doesn’t really stand up to scrutiny. Another study confirmed that people who multitask actually end up being less efficient.

Stop Being Used By Your Cellphone
Stop allowing your cellphone to hold your attention and mind hostage. It is time to reclaim your attention span.

Now, this doesn’t mean that every once in a while you can’t make an exception and take a call or check an e-mail while you are doing something else. The problem is when switching back and forth from one task to cell phone management is your standard operating procedure. And, if we notice this is one of our bad habits, we need to start work on changing it.

5 Tips to Help Free You From Being Held Hostage By Your Cellphone:

1. Turn off the ringer from time to time.
   As scary as that may sound, there are just sometimes you shouldn’t be interrupted. Reserve blocks of times to devote your complete attention to things you need to get done, your kids, your spouse, your driving! Turn your ringer off during holidays and other family or alone time so you can really engage and enjoy those experiences.
2. Turn off your notification light.
   Make a leap of faith and realize everything will not explode just because you don’t instantly know when an e-mail or text message comes in. Yes, this may take some getting used to, but, it really is liberating and allows you to decide the best time to read e-mails and texts instead of always checking your phone every time you notice the notification light flashing.
3. Use your cell phone; don’t let it use you.
   It’s great that you can do just about everything on your cellphone, but when you pick it up to use it, decide what you are going to do, use it, and get out. If you are going to return e-mails, then don’t end up surfing around the internet. Have a plan every time you pick up your cell phone and stick to it.
4. Screen your calls and e-mails.
   Prioritize paying attention to who you are with or what you are currently doing. Take a look at who is trying to contact you and decide if you really need to respond right away. No one really knows whether or not you are available so you can decide to not answer your cell phone unless it really is necessary.
5. Reserve blocks of time to check your messages and respond.
   Take periods of time to check and return all your messages. Perhaps you have a block of time you take every morning, afternoon, and evening. This way your messages don’t accumulate and you can be fairly confident you are not going to miss anything really time sensitive because you are checking your messages regularly. If you are a heavy user, you may need to have more check-ins throughout the day. Figure out what works best for you, but the key is to not consistently and continually check messages throughout the day.

Manage Your Cellphone and Everything Will Improve
If you are interested in really getting the most out of all your experiences, increasing your productivity and being less stressed and overwhelmed, start paying attention to how you are using your cellphone. You will be amazed at the positive impact that managing your cellphone in the right way will have on everything you do.

Written on 3/17/2009 by Sibyl Chavis. Sibyl writes about the importance of seeing life from a different perspective and discovering alternaviews. She is an avid reader and blogger and has spent her career as an executive in the legal and human resources fields. As a human resources professional, she has many years of experience counseling, coaching and helping other people realize their potential. Visit her blog at www.alternaview.com.

Photo Credit: Symic

Why should people remember you?

What makes you stand out in a crowd?

What makes you different from other people in your field?

How can others relate to you?

If you can’t answer those questions, perhaps it’s time to think about how you brand yourself. Branding is the process of attributing a characteristic, quality, or image to something in order to associate an item with those qualities. For instance, think of Disney, and you think wholesome, family entertainment, right? It’s what the company is known for. This is not an accident, but rather, by design.

Branding isn’t just for companies like Nike, McDonald’s, and Disney anymore, though. Today’s entrepreneur realizes that if you want to stand out, you need to brand yourself. Branding is what separates Gary Vaynerchuk, Seth Godin, and Dooce from people you’ve never heard of.

They wear their passions on their sleeves, they invite you into a part of their lives, and most importantly, people can relate to them. If people like you, they are a lot more likely to buy from you, rather than someone they don’t know.

So, what should your brand be?

Focus on what makes you unique and on what makes you different (or more awesome) than others in your business or niche. Below are some tips on how to develop your brand.

Be you. Don’t be a phoney. People’s phoney detectors are more finely-tuned than ever. Be you, or a slightly exaggerated version of you. No, everyone won’t like you. And yeah, you might have to deal with some haters. But that’s life. And chances are, if you’re authentic, you will find an audience who appreciates you.

Find your passion. What interests you? Maybe it’s comic books, maybe it’s recipes, or maybe it’s alcohol. Businessman Gary Vaynerchuk used his knowledge of wine to create the successful Wine Library TV, a daily video blog show about wine. He became THE WINE GUY. He is now a best-selling author, appears on TV shows, has a satellite radio show, and is considered one of the leading experts on social media.

What is your area of expertise? Chances are there’s an audience for your passions. The more unique and focused your niche, the better, it means less people are competing for your audience.

Tell stories. People connect better when you use stories. If your passion is art, write stories about the piece you’re talking about. Tell a story about the artist. Nearly any topic can be made interesting through good storytelling. Ira Glass of the radio and TV show, This American Life is an excellent example of how powerful storytelling can turn the mundane into the sublime.

Become an expert in your field. Provide useful (or entertaining) information on your niche. When someone thinks about your niche, you want to be the go-to guy or gal. Put yourself out there for interviews, and interview the movers and shakers in your niche (or the interesting people if there’s not much moving or shaking going on). Soon, you will be the face of your niche.

Create a community. Social media has made it incredibly easy to find your fans and build your tribe. Use Facebook to create a fan page devoted to your brand. Use Twitter to connect with your audience. Use your blog to build your authority with useful articles and interviews. Just remember that the key to social media is to be social.

If people comment or email you, make sure you respond as often as possible. Use Twitter to promote other people’s stuff more than your own. This shows that you’re interested in others and increases the likelihood of them tweeting your stuff when you put it out there.

Use your new-found position to seek possibilities. Once you’re an established expert, new opportunities will open themselves up to you. Offers to sponsor you, joint venture offers, and invitations to speak, are all possible when you’re an expert.

When struggling author Seth Harwood was being rejected by publishers, he went online, found his audience, and built a community via his blog and podcasts. Then, armed with a fan-base he created all on his own, he was able to secure a book deal and find success.

Be aware and monitor your brand. Now that you have a public profile, you need to make sure you don’t go saying stupid things which can come back to haunt you. A drunken rant on Twitter, a public dispute with a customer, or leaving nasty comments on the internet, can instantly stain the good reputation you’ve built for yourself.

Remember, people have to feel good about your brand. If they see you as a jerk, your brand is doomed. Use Google alerts to monitor what’s being said about you. If you see a situation where you can create a positive outcome, step in and interact. Just be careful to avoid trolls looking only to get a negative response from you.

Got any branding tips you’d like to share? Post them in the comments below.

David Wright is a ghostwriter who blogs about fatherhood. He’s got the cookie-obsessed, comic-drawing, OCD-afflicted, daddy blogger niche wrapped up, even though he would’ve preferred to be known as the ‘funny Brad Pitt of blogging.’