I don’t know what it is that makes it work, but giving begets receiving. There are times when it feels the deck is stacked against your forward progress, that others are getting a better deal, and that you’re somehow always falling behind. I’m in one of those situations now. Outward appearances aren’t always what they seem.

With different personalities, a history of a company culture, and policies and procedures that have become set in stone, change is something that can only come about slowly. There may be elements that are obvious and unfair, however, we always seem to have to go through a “testing” period before we break on through to the other side.

In my own scenario, my efforts are not going unnoticed. Better yet, the ability to rise above the pettiness has a positive affect upon others around me. I still struggle with my own feelings about the inequities, so I am grateful to see these “positives” showing up and letting me know that I’m on the right path. Allowing for what is, working for what might, and doing all you can, is bringing about positive results, and in other ways my rewards are being experienced.

Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look there. — Marcus Aurelius

I remember when I was ten years old, we were asked to write an essay on ‘My best friend’. I thought for a while about all my friends that I had and tried to find out one who knew everything about me. Surprisingly, in a group of very close friends there was no one who knew everything about me. None of them knew anything about how I felt at home and how desperately I wanted to grow up and much more. And few who knew.. never understood it thoroughly. After brief rumination, I realized that I was my own Best Friend as only I knew about my life completely. Hence, I wrote about myself and got a zero as my teacher thought I wrote the essay on ‘Myself’ and not on ‘My Best Friend’.

I have always been a very affable and friendly person and thus making friends was never difficult for me, then and even now. But whenever the thought of my best friend comes to my mind, I can confidently proclaim that ‘my self’ is my best friend.

Whenever I need someone to talk to, I turn to myself. My inner soul gives me the accurate answers to my questions. I ask myself about my actions, needs, desires and capabilities. And I get the right answers and reasons! Only thing needed here to carry on with the conversation is – honesty.

One has to be brutally honest with oneself if one wants to talk to ones inner self. Be firm about your questions, don’t evade even the most elusive ones because in most certainty you will find answers to all the doubts and all the questions you pose to your conscious.

Here are five things you need to do to be able to carry out an excogitative conservation.

1) Build a relationship with your inner self – we all have different relationships with different people. But do we have a relationship with our own self? If yes, what kind is it? Do we love ourselves? Or is our inner soul our best friend? Do we bully our conscious with our actions or do we keep preaching it new things by reflexive activities? Figure out the type of your relationship and improve it. Build a rapport where your soul is free to talk to you fearlessly.

2) Be honest – while seeking answers, try to recollect even the minuscule detail and accept the reality. Be true and genuine and try to reason with full honesty. You will get the right reasons and the absolute answers.

3) Take a moment with yourself – your inner self may not be comfortable everywhere and that is the reason many a times we say ‘I don’t know what I want..’ or ‘I am not able to get an answer’. Go to a place that gives you peace. Maybe on the roof top under the sky, a beach, next to a water lake, under a tree, in a dark room, while walking on the road or anywhere. Only you know which place lets you talk freely to your self.

4) Ask questions – excruciate yourself with all the questions you have in mind. Don’t just ask ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions. Ask why you did something or why you want something. Get answers to questions like what if you had done it differently, how could you not do it, would you do it again etc.

5) Respect your inner self – there is no use of letting your conscious speak, if you do not listen to it. Because if you disobey your inner voice few times, it stops talking to you. So, start venerating your soul’s voice and next time whenever you try to listen to your heart, actually LISTEN to it.

After all, myself is nothing but my ‘self’ is all!

—-

Surabhi lives in Andaman and Nicobar Islands, a group of islands in southern India, with her husband and nine month old daughter. She quit a corporate job to focus on her family and enjoy the process of being a mother and a home maker. She believes simply: ‘it is good to live’ and her blog is an attempt to prove it. It is a platform to share thoughts, ideas, happiness and sorrows. She would be delighted if you join it !

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How To Motivate Yourself

There are many famous quotes out there, but there are only a few with the power to touch your heart.

In this article, I’ve gathered 9 famous quotes that will not only supercharge your day and make you wise, but also inspire you to go after your wildest dreams and aspirations.

The truth of the matter is that you can become and have anything you want in this world. The only person stopping you is yourself.

With all that said, let’s jump right into the famous quotes, shall we?

1. ‘Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.’ – Van Wilder

We all worry more than we have to. When you think back in your life to the times when you worried excessively, did your worrying actually solve anything?

If you really think about it, I think you will find that worrying doesn’t help nor does it solve anything. In fact, it often makes things much worse and it makes you feel bad.

Whenever you start worrying, instantly shift your focus to what you can do about the problem right now. If there’s nothing to do, let it go.

2. ‘It’s your thinking that decides whether you’re going to succeed or fail.’ – Henry Ford

Most people are more than happy to make excuses and give reasons for why they can’t do something.

It is in their thoughts that most people fail. One of the most common characteristics of successful people is that they are optimistic, positive, and they never give up.

They constantly imagine themselves succeeding and they face and overcome challenges easily. If you want to go after your dream life, you first have to get your thinking in order.

3. ‘Remember that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.’ – Abraham Lincoln

It is your own resolution and determination which decides whether you succeed or not.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve failed dozens or even hundreds of times, because if you don’t give up, your success is inevitable.

You can be a success, live a life full of passion, and have everything you desire, if you will just make the decision.

4. ‘You can do anything, but not everything.’ – David Allen

You can do anything you want, but not everything at the same time. You have to pick a few primary goals in your life that you want to pursue right now.

Or even better; just pick one.

This will not only help you make more progress, but it will make you feel motivated and inspired to take action.

When you focus on as few things as possible, you give your subconscious mind a solid target to aim at.

5. ‘You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.’ – Wayne Gretzky

How many regrets do you have? How many times have you wished that you would’ve had the courage to do something?

If you’re like most people, it’s pretty often.

Take that feeling and use it to take action right now. Go after what you want, even though you may not believe that it is possible.

Go take that new yoga class, try painting because you always wanted to try it, or start your online business today.

6. ‘We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.’ – Aristotle

Courage, self-discipline, and the ability to get things done is not something you’re born with. You can cultivate the habit of being productive and achieving your goals by constantly doing so.

The people that are living their dream lives are able to do so because they have taken action. They have been where you are, and they have overcome their inertia and started moving forward.

And they have kept moving forward despite their fears and despite any challenges that stood in their way.

You can do the same. You can always make excuses but the truth is that you can always do something, so begin with that.

7. ‘Work like you don’t need money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like no one’s watching.’ – Unknown Author

When you find work that you would do for free, you have found your passion and calling in life. When you have no expectations, your life will be like dance.

Most people love because they want to be loved. And most people don’t dance, because they fear embarrassment.

I say, love because it feels good, and dance even though you may look like a complete idiot if that is what you want to do.

Life is meant to be an adventure full of fun, passion, and meaning. You are the only one that can create that for you.

8. ‘Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.’ – Albert Einstein

Use your imagination to create the life of your dreams. You’ve heard of the law of attraction, which is excellent, but what most people often forget is that there’s also a law of action.

Use your imagination to plant the seed in your subconscious mind about what you want, but after that start taking massive action.

You can have what you want, if you will only go after it. I repeat this over and over because it is true and I want you to understand that.

9.’The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.’ – Lao Tzu

No matter what you want to accomplish in life. And no matter how long you think the journey is, it all begins with a single step.

For example, building a profitable online business begins with a single step. You can take that step today if you choose to, or you can put it off until another day.

And that day may never come, so you as well get started now.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tandelyn_Weaver

In this article I’m going to show you the way I learned to meditate, based on research and the teachings of different gurus. Meditation is a pretty common subject these days As with many things that fall into popular use, its true meaning and purpose can become distorted. There are a lot of misconceptions out there about what exactly meditation is, and how one should do it.

Common Misconceptions

It’s strange that there is so much confusion, as it’s one of the simplest things you could ever do. First, meditation isn’t reflection. The whole point of meditation is transcendence of the mind and the need for self concepts, so critical thinking and any sort of analysis are by default out. Sitting in the lotus position or humming also have precious little to do with it, though they can be useful. Basically, forget everything you’ve seen in the movies or heard from your friends. Meditation is simple.

So what exactly is meditation?

Meditation is being. That’s it. Nothing fancy or pretentious. No need to use the meditation soundtrack someone’s trying to sell to you for $19.99. There is no “secret method” or any need for guidance, beyond the basic principles I’m going to show you. Essentially, meditation is existing in its purest form. What does this mean?

When you meditate properly, you essentially become nothing. One way of putting it is you surpass your egoic nature and rise into a different level of consciousness. You forget about your daily problems and become an empty vessel. This can become intensely pleasurable as you get better at it. It can even change your entire reality.

In order to start meditating, first find a quiet spot away from interruptions by family, phones, TV, and your dog. Next, simply sit down and relax. Whatever feels comfortable will work. After you’ve relaxed a little you’re going to calm your mind and witness your thoughts.

Become the watcher

This technique involves becoming unidentified and nonreactive to your thoughts. Clear your mind as best you can and watch your thoughts pass. It’s as though you’re on an airplane that’s taking off, and your thoughts are on the ground. Wave goodbye and smile, because they’re of no consequence. They’ll be there when you get back.

The key here is to identify with consciousness. The thing that allows you to know that you’re thinking. Watch the thoughts. Once I start watching them I find that they no longer affect me. Minor annoyances and big problems alike lose their importance. Being free from mind-induced torture is incredibly relieving of its own accord, but there are other benefits to be had..

As I relax into this state, I notice my typical thoughts floating around. As I continue to be watch them impartially, I find that they occur less and less. Finally, they disipate entirely. The experience at that point is one of incredible peace and calm. I like to think it’s how we were naturally as kids, before we inherited the typical adult seriousness. We don’t have any worries, anything to be upset about, we simply are.

Taking meditation further

This state of “just being” has some pretty cool characteristics. You’ll notice that when you open your eyes after a good meditation session, everything will seem different. It’s as though that childlike sense of wonder and amazement is restored to you. You’ll also notice that you don’t have any thoughts coming back in yet. These two phenomena are inextricably linked, so pay attention to them!

The objects around you will seem more.. complete. Like you’re observing an essence in them that wasn’t there before. It’s a really trippy feeling if you haven’t experienced it before. The reason this is happening is because meditation puts you in a state of no-mind. You aren’t instantly judging and mentally labeling everything you see. Instead of seeing a “chair,” which is whatever your mental image of a chair is, you’ll see an object full of unfathomable depth. This is because the act of meditating bumps you up to a higher level of consciousness. With practice you can make this shift permanent. Many people would call this enlightenment.

While I haven’t been able to achieve this state permanently, I’ve had little tastes of it. I’ve shared a couple of them on my article about the power of now.

Becoming one with the chair

When you first start meditating your goal will simply be to clear your mind while sitting there, and this is no easy task. When I first started my mind was especially chaotic with thoughts going left and right. Don’t get frustrated if you can’t do it right away. By doing that you’re just adding more thought anyway. If you find yourself getting impatient or annoyed, practice accepting whatever you feel and letting go. Don’t resist or fight anything. Accept the present moment no matter what.

As you get better at this your thoughts will become less and less frequent, until you’re able to reach a state where they don’t come in at all. This is where all the fun begins. After having no thoughts for a long period of time you’ll notice that even when you’re done meditating and you open your eyes, your thoughts won’t immediately come back. Each time you practice you’ll be able to hold your state of no-mind longer and longer. If you keep it up you’ll eventually reach a state of transcendence of duality, perpetual no-mind, and complete and utter bliss. This is when you sell all your material possessions and start preaching on the street corners.

Meditation can only do a whole lot of good for your life. Just remember not to judge anything when you’re doing it. If you can’t calm your mind, just accept it and try later. Become completely nonreactive and internally congruent. It’s well worth the effort.

About the author: Hi! I’m Fred Tracy, and I run a personal development website. I share all sorts of useful information like financial abundance, self discipline, achieving happiness, and a whole lot more. You can visit my site or subscribe to my RSS Feed. Thanks!

“To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well, and it is as essential to all true conversation.” ~ Chinese Proverb

Listening is the most important part of a true connection in conversation. When we listen, we gain knowledge and understanding about people and circumstances. Everyone wants to feel heard, but most times people prefer to talk rather than listen.
Active listening requires empathy, affirmation and the ability to process and respond without taking over a conversation. When you listen to the world you will know more, build trust and increase your popularity with friends.

Slave To The Cell Phone. How many times have you put a person on hold so that you could answer your cell phone or text a message during a conversation? Not only is this blatantly rude, but you have officially disconnected from the speaker. This behavior makes the speaker feel unimportant and shows you are not committed to the moment. It is disheartening to a speaker to feel like a conversation on the cell phone is more important than a face to face moment. Turn off your cell phone or put it on vibrate answering only in case of an emergency.

80/20. Are you speaking 80% of the time or listening 80% of the time? A good listener will speak 20% of the time and listen 80% of the time. When listening, parrot back what you have heard to show you are paying attention and ask open ended questions so that the speaker will go into further detail about the topic. This kind of affirmation makes people feel heard and you will feel like a hero.

Bad Body Language. If you are visually distracted and darting your eyes around the room, the listener is likely to feel unsupported and will feel your attention is somewhere else. A good listener stands tall or sits up straight, leans into the speaker and makes eye contact. Focusing your eyes on the speaker makes him feel like the center of the universe and validates the conversation.

Enough About Me, Let’s Talk About Me. Don’t be a ball hog in a conversation by taking over with idol chatter about yourself. Sometimes in an effort to show you understand what is being said you may make a connection and inadvertently change the topic or divert attention to yourself. If you feel the need to express a connection with a personal experience, keep it short and simple and allow the speaker to continue leading the conversation until it is your turn.

Overly Critical and Judgmental. If you interrupt the person in the first sentence of the a conversation to pass judgment you have immediately lost the ability to establish a rapport. Looking for errors, being overly critical, and jumping to conclusions by passing judgment are quick ways to disengage from the speaker and leave you solo in the conversation.

Actively listening is a bonus attribute in every relationship. It requires an investment of time and effort to connect with the speaker by being present in the moment and lending your ears completely. This important skill will build rapport, enrich work environments, and ease tension in personal relationships. Give your eyes, ears and heart to another person and reap the reward of making another person feel validated and heard.

Cindy Platt is a parenting specialist who writes at Your Life’s Blueprint. Follow her on Twitter.

THE “ACCIDENT”

Theoretically, Halloween 2006 was the worst day of my life.

During a dressage lesson, my beloved horse tripped, fell down, panicked, jumped up and launched me into a wall all in a matter of seconds.  I hit the wall so hard that when I landed, my lungs collapsed.

As I floated outside of my body, I remember thinking, “Well this isn’t a bad way to go…”

And then the universe dumped a cold bucket of reality on me with the horrifying thought of my kids living alone with my still-alcoholic-ex-husband.

Thankfully, that’s all it took to yank me back into my pain-ridden body as my mind (and likely my mouth) screamed for morphine.

HINDSIGHT IS 20/20

I can remember as clear as day how I wanted to cancel my lesson that morning. I was too tired and KNEW I should skip it.  On top of that, traffic was horrendous, I almost ran out of gas AND I forgot my riding boots.

Looking back on all of this, had I listened to my intuition, or paid attention to “the signs” would I have broken my back? I don’t know.

But I can tell you this – breaking my back took my “bar” (the barn) away from me and I was forced to sit with myself – it wasn’t pretty and it certainly wasn’t easy.

Boredom, frustration, anger, and pain were taking turns shoveling a pile of pity on me as riding, exercising, working or traveling (my life preservers) could no longer be my distraction du jour due to the seriousness of my injury. It was a dark and depressing period in my life with no pain relief in sight; I can honestly say it was the first time I experienced “hopelessness”.

MAKING SPACE TO LISTEN TO MY GUT

I’m not a quitter – never have been, never will be.
But I have to say this accident tested me.  It put me in the fetal position on the field of life for longer than I’m proud of or care to even admit. Luckily, I had the help of some pretty amazing friends who guided me back to the solace of my soul again  with books to read, videos to watch, even asking me for help for their problems as a lure that the world still needed me to play.

So I did what I could. I read. I learned. I wrote. I planned.
And as soon as I could, I took action, charging down a path of personal development from one coast to the other, to India, to Fiji, to Europe and back again, only to find out what my heart had been trying to tell me the whole time…all I needed was always with me.
I just needed to make the space to listen.

REGRETS ARE THE LIES THE MIND TELLS US

Did it take a severe accident I still haven’t fully recovered from to get where I am now?  I don’t know. And I really don’t care because one of the things I have learned is “regrets are the lies the mind tells us.”

We will never know one way or the other which exact moment landed us in the one we live.  It’s all a hypothesis, mostly devised from a mind whose only knowledge comes from experiences of the past.

Here’s what I DO know. My ex went to rehab and got healthy. I met some incredible people, became friends and business partners with Tony Robbins, met my soul-mate on the internet, got married, had twins and started my own business.
And I look for clues from the universe every second of every day – and you can too just by doing these 3 things!

#1:  Become a human lie detector
Think of the biggest lie you could tell yourself.
For example “I hate my son.” (assuming that’s a lie!)
Sit with how that makes you feel.  Pay attention to where you feel the physical discomfort.  What does the mental anguish feel like?
Now, tell yourself something that you know is true and fills you with joy. “I love my son more than anything in this entire world.”  (assuming you do!)
How do you feel? Where do you feel it? Pay close attention to these ‘happy feelings.’
Next time you have to make a decision about something – pay attention to your body and compare it to this exercise as you find your answer.

#2:  Become a world-class biographer
This is so easy to do with all the technology available to you. Buy a cheap camera, take photos of your favorite meals, of things that moved you – even a book you just read.
Upload your photos to picassa (http://picasa.google.com) or to flickr (http://flickr.com).  A great iphone/ipad application you can download to do all this and more (including voice memos) is called Evernote (http://evernote/com).
Facebook is also a great platform to do “electronic” scrap-booking. You can even order a book that aggregates all your status updates, who “liked” them or what comments were made. (http://apps.facebook.com/my-egobook/)

If you aren’t a shutterbug, that’s okay – downloading an iphone/ipad app like the gratitude journal allows you to simply input one thing you’re grateful for each day, week, month or heck even minute!
You can also just grab an old fashioned journal and ask yourself what made me feel great today, what did not. Pay attention to coincidences that you experience each day by looking for them. Once you start to play a game with the universe to find “the signs” you will see them pop up everywhere.

#3:  Be a positive signal to attract the best life you can by being grateful
Stopping to experience your win, whether it be a present from a lover, a promotion at work, or just a quiet, happy moment with your child, means you are taking the time to say thank you and signaling you want more of this “good stuff.”
Stay in the moment – don’t think about the future. Don’t dwell on the negatives – real or imagined. Stay open to now. Just by asking “Why did I bring this moment to me?” you can more easily find the recipe for lemonade no matter how bruised the lemons look in your hands.
The most important thing to do is to pay attention to anything that comes your way. If it’s hard for you to decide if a thought popping into your head  is  more noise from the mind or your intuition, just sit with the thought – if it brings you joy or happiness, then do it. If there is any feeling of stress, guilt or worry, set it aside and move on. Either way, be happy with your choice you make.

Remember, your mind is not a bad guy, but it does love to keep busy! Swinging from concept to concept and stirring up drama and emotion simply to entertain itself. By monitoring your moods, you’ll have a better gauge for your internal state, allowing to dial yourself up or down, instead of being at the mercy of your monkey mind.

You don’t need to wait for the worst day of your life to learn what your soul is trying to teach you. Just open yourself to its message.

Are you letting your soul guide you? How did you first hear its call?

Lori Taylor is a direct marketing specialist who writes about Seizing The Minute at her site, One Click Society. Follow her on Twitter.

Communication is always looked upon as key factor in a person’s overall growth whether in career, personal or professional relationships. Therefore to truly be successful, one of the major techniques that must be mastered is the art of communicating – understanding people and being understood by them.

What is effective communication?

Many people confuse communication with excessive talking. Effective communication is not excess talking. It’s actually talking less, saying more.

It is the art of conveying a message effortlessly which most of the crowd understands and grasps quickly.

I meet a lot of talented people who can deliver excellent results when it comes to their work but struggle when it comes to communication. They can’t express or explain what work they have done in a convincing manner. It’s true that work speaks for itself but we are in the modern world and one need to have minimum level of effective communication. You will get right answers if you ask right questions. Communication helps you to ask right questions. Communication helps you to bridge the gap between what you know and what you want to know.

Let me share a few tips that have helped me immensely:

Breaking the ice

To become an effective communicator, first thing you need to do is to learn to break the ice. You need to get started with something (even by asking a question) whether be it in a meeting or a general discussion. You also need to be a good listener if you want to ask right questions.

Once you break the ice, continue with your normal tone and speak few words about relevant matter. Don’t worry if it doesn’t sound effective at first attempt. Your mind if powerful and it knows how to better your speech next time. It’s important to get started.

Let the words flow

Deliver your words like a flow of water. Speak to the point, be clear and maintain continuity. However you can pause in between to get the feedback of audience if you’re giving a public speech. Try to make your public speech interactive by asking questions or launching an on spot quiz. People love quizzes.

Don’t repeat words

Next thing is enhancing your vocabulary of words. You shouldn’t use same words repeatedly in your speech. Learn new words and add quality to your speech. It also helps to improve your written communication as well. This wont happen overnight but with little effort and consistency, you can enhance your vocabulary.

Pictures speak a thousand words

Effective communication also plays very important when it comes to expressing your ideas if you work in a creative field. Feel free to use few tools to aid your communication (in this case, a presentation) such as a drawing, a flowchart or a PowerPoint presentation.  Picture speak thousands words.

Learn time management

Effective communication needs time management. If you are presenting a research paper, learn to manage the time and set your internal benchmarks for completing certain portions of the paper. Aim to finish the presentation in allotted slot of time – and you won’t be rushed at the last minute, and unable to convey your arguments/points.

Participate

Try attending seminars where a seasoned speaker gives a speech about a topic. Observe his gestures and mannerisms. Observe his tone variations. Start putting your learning into practice. Soon, you will start noticing gradual changes in your communication pattern and an effective communication has positive effective in career and relationships.

Invest your time in learning effective communication.  It gives you unbeatable rewards.

About the Author: Naveen Kulkarni writes about personal development and ideas about productivity at his own blog Winning Ideas.  You can follow him on Twitter.

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Tips For Breaking Bad Habits and Developing Good Habits

There was a time in my life when I didn’t have friends.

None. Zero. Zilch.

I was that kid sitting by himself at lunch. Socially awkward, painfully shy, a bit of a nerd, and overweight. Not a great combination when you’re in middle school and trying to fit in.

Turns out, I would never fit in.

But that didn’t mean I’d never make friends.

It took several years, lots of trial and error, and a bit of finding myself, but I eventually figured out how to make friends. First, I had to unlearn the habits, actions, and beliefs which had been holding me back.

I’ve compiled a list of some of my own missteps, along with negative traits I’ve seen in other people. If you’re still eating lunch alone, make sure you aren’t doing any of these 6 things:

1. Be needy. People aren’t attracted to neediness. This is true for dating, friendships, and even sales. People can smell desperation a mile away and it’s a huge turnoff. An unhealthy need for another person suggests weakness and places a burden on the needed party. Learn to keep your relationships in perspective and realize your true self-worth. Ironically, when you care less what people think of you, you’ll find more people want to be with you.

2. Put yourself down. A little self-deprecating humor can go a long way, but being hypercritical about your faults will just invite others to join you. Whether you know it or not, you could be setting up potential conflicts later. For example, if you harp on your constant tardiness, you’re going to run into more problems when you are running late. Being hard on yourself teaches others how to treat you. Show yourself respect and your friends are more likely to do so.

3. Put other people down. Okay, I admit it – gossip can be fun. Especially when you’re making fun of that clueless jerk at the office who thinks way too highly of himself. But if all you do is criticize other people, I can only imagine what you say about me when I’m not around. A good rule of thumb is to not say anything about others which you wouldn’t say to their faces. And if you do gossip, try and keep it to a minimum and focused on people like that clueless jerk. If you trash more people than you speak nicely of, you’ll find it hard to make real friends.

4. Be negative. Misery loves company, as the old saying goes. And it’s right, people often find solace in sharing their problems with others. However, if that’s all you do, you’re sabotaging your relationships. Nobody wants to be around a mood anchor all the time. For one, it’s suffocating. For two, it isolates you from those who are happy. If your best friend just got a promotion, she’s a lot less likely to celebrate with you if she thinks her good news will bring you down. Eventually, your negativity will isolate you from people who are genuinely enjoying their lives. This can be a tough cycle to break free from once you’re in it, so try to stay positive.

5. Talk more than you listen. We’ve all been in a conversation with someone who is just going through the motions, not listening to a word you’re saying, waiting for the moment they can tell their story. One of the most important things you can do as a friend is to listen to others. This shows you care about them and what they have to say. Who knows, if you keep your mouth shut long enough, you just might learn something!

6. Pretend to be someone you’re not. People are social animals, sometimes sliding in and out of skins more frequently than Lady Gaga wardrobe changes. While this may work in getting people to like you and gaining popularity, it won’t garner you any true friends. Be yourself. Embrace your inner weird. Eventually, you will find your tribe – people of similar nature who will appreciate your unique personality.

Perhaps the most important rule in friendship is to simply be a friend.

Got any advice on what to do and what not to do when making friends? Or just some thoughts on this advice? Leave a comment below.

David Wright is a ghostwriter who is chronicling his year in self improvement at Project 30 Days starting in January.

What do people say about you when you’re not around?

A couple of years ago, when I first started blogging, I met this guy, David Fowler. He had started a parenting blog shortly after I did and we struck up a friendship. He’s a talented writer with a razor-sharp wit. Sure we teased each other back and forth, as guys tend to do, but I’ll say this about Dave, he’s one of the most honest, and genuine people I know.

And the funny thing is, that’s pretty much the opinion of anyone I run into who has “met” him (online).

Why is that?

Well, for one, Dave’s the kind of guy who offers to help you without being asked. He promotes your stuff when there’s nothing in it for him, and who is always there when you need someone to talk to. And he’s funny and charming, to boot.

The reason I bring Dave up is that I genuinely want Dave to be a HUGE success! He deserves it. He’s the nice guy you root for. He’s the down-to-earth and a caring family guy who can life your spirits or make you laugh with a comment or email.

He’s a VIP – A Volunteer Interested In People.

He’s someone who genuinely likes people, and who you, in turn, can’t help but like.

Now you see how I feel about Dave, right? Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone was a VIP? How awesome would this world be with everyone being nice to everyone, helping one another out?

Yeah, I know it will never happen. But, if you’d like people to love you even when you’re not around, then maybe you should learn some lessons on how a VIP does it.

Here’s some tips on how to make people say awesome things about you.

Be yourself. Most VIPs I’ve known are authentic people. They don’t hide their flaws, and in fact, oftentimes, use them to their advantage – their little colorful quirks. Be yourself and true to your principles, and you’ll work your way into the hearts of people who recognize and appreciate the real you.

Ask about others. Ever have a conversation where you knew the other person was just going through the motions? They didn’t ask logical follow-up questions, which proved they either weren’t paying attention, or worse, they didn’t care about you. I don’t know about you, but that leaves a horrible impression on me. I’m more likely to think well of the person who hung on my every word, or at least seemed interested in what I was saying. It’s human nature – people like people who like them!

Be complimentary. This kind of goes with the above section. But saying nice things is one of the quickest ways you can endear yourself to others. I’m not saying to be a big phoney about it. Nobody wants to feel like you’re blowing smoke up their rears. Find something genuinely nice to say, and say it.

Remember the details. Try to remember the projects people told you about, the names of their spouses or children, the fact that they have a Beagle. If you can’t remember, try and take notes and brush up on the facts before meeting the person. Remembering the details that most people forget immediately puts you above most people.

Offer your help. When a VIP meets someone, they don’t ask favors or inquire about things for themselves. They offer their assistance. This isn’t just good advice for being well thought of, but also sage networking advice. If you’re looking to form a relationship or work with someone, try to know what their needs are in advance, and suggest how you can help them meet those needs. Then, when an opportunity for someone like you pops up, who is that person more likely to offer it to? The person that helped them, of course!

Promote others’ interests. Be a champion for other people and their causes. Be a cheerleader! Talk about the good things other people are doing. Not only does this help spread the word to interested people, but it also makes you look like a VIP! When you have something you’re looking to promote, people will likely offer to help you without you even needing to ask.

Don’t trash other people. This should probably go without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. If you’re trashing other people, it’s not likely to reflect well on you. Because if you’re talking badly about a mutual friend to me, I can only imagine what you’d say to another friend about me.

Be positive (or at least entertaining). Nobody wants to be around someone who is always miserable. Be cheerful, or at least be entertaining or interesting, and people can’t help but think highly of you.

There is no set of instructions to make ALL people love you, of course. But adopting some of these ideas into your relationships could improve not just the lives of others, but your life as well.

Got any suggestions for becoming a VIP? Please share them with us in the comments!

David Wright is a ghostwriter who is chronicling his year in self improvement at Project 30 Days starting in January.