When communicating something difficult, or even something simple, the delivery comes from the lips of one person’s personal point-of-view. It’s not about opinion, it’s not about truth, it’s not about being wrong or right, it is only a phrase born from the combined forces of an individual’s heart, mind, education, socialization, culture, and personal experiences.

They have bitterness in their heart, there’ll be traces of bitterness. If there is hurt, traces of hurt. If there is love, you’ll sense that too. If they’ve read a lot about psychology, science, technology, history, religion, then those influences might also be felt or expressed. Whether a high school dropout, or a university grad, there is little difference. Education takes many forms in life, and many people pursue education – learning new things, enhancing their ability, knowledge, etc., and you’ll discover these flavours influencing their words. Along with all this, the relationships that influenced will have left more to further colour the point-of-view – the perspective – and now the jambalaya is almost complete.

Delivering a query, statement, or anything at all verbally, the risk doesn’t end with speaking. All that has been described about the speaker shaping and giving voice to those words is equally true of the listener. The heart, mind, education, socialization, culture, and personal experiences of the listener will also colour how they hear and what they interpret for meaning. I see it happen far too often. I’ve stumbled in articulating and finding the words that will empower the freedom we both look for, combined with equal portions of win-win. Sometimes, that olive branch is so elusive.

The smart people know it is still there, and continue striving to build the bridge of understanding. Though not at the expense of their well-being, or the others involved. Everything in life – from relationships to work – is a two-way street. Aren’t we all looking to be involved in two-way streets with most things in life? I admit, I try to get my-way street sometimes too, though most of the time, I’m into the win-win. Communication, asking questions, listening, and enquiring deeper are the only roads I know to work consistently.

Filters represent the tint from which we view life, the interference that distorts our audio, and the perspectives that taint our language. I’ve worked through many, and I still have many to recognize and grow through. We’ve all been doing this for a long time at varying rates and by varying degrees. A failure to recognize and control these impulses, perspectives, and opinions can have a negative effect on our relationships due to communication breakdown.

Years ago, I was adamant about a number of values and beliefs that I held dear. Today, I have a number of different ones, and some still the same. Then, I would tell my opinion and repeat myself over and over again, thinking that I had to get the other persons agreement in order to know they understood and accepted what I had to say, or what I believed. Little did I know, I could often be right, and the other person could still be right. It isn’t always just one avenue to truth.

I like to learn through experience, both seeing and doing. I have a good friend who is amazing with his mind and he loves to read. He remembers everything, from theories, book titles, authors, speakers, philosophers, and on and on. He blows me away with the level of knowledge he retains, where in my case, I retain more of the understanding and processes as opposed to all these detailed facts. In conversation, we make a complimentary pair because we recognize that our vision of what we see is from a different lens, and that these different lenses actually support each other and push each of us deeper along our path of learning and integration.

Sometimes, our differences can lead to some frustration. However, I’ve also learned that I can hold back reacting and sit on my observations of the moment for a day or two. What I discover is that as I reflect I can see how we’re saying the same thing even though it sounds or was understood differently. Then we meet again and I explain some of the insights I’ve gained to further explore that subject matter that created a disagreement. This brings both of us to a bigger place than we were before with what we know, how we know, and it enriches and broadens our perspective.

Often, a disagreement is not based upon valid fact, it’s an opinion based upon a previous experience or information picked up along the way. What is often not realized is that there is often more to discover. This isn’t about the first truth or realization being wrong, it is simply that there are more realities than just the one we each live. Incorporating more experiences from more people broadens the mind, opens the eyes, and increases opportunities for relationship and success.

At least, it feels right to me at this moment, and maybe there is more. For the most part, I endeavour to be curious and open-minded about other peoples’ lives and ideas. I do wish to share my own as well, and hope they would eagerly listen as well. Too often, this is not the case and a communication breakdown occurs. This is also where relationships and conversations go shallow in my world, versus the rich experiential relationships, where we are rewarding each others’ curiosities.