Overcome Challenges

Sunday now, mid-morning lazy start in front of the computer; checking the email, catching up and tidying Facebook, and pondering a website plan and wondering how to start. In the background of my mind, my thoughts and emotions roil around the thoughts of an unfulfilled love life, wondering what she is doing with her Sunday all those miles away. Who is who, what is what, and where is it all going? I wonder about this more often than I’d care to admit.

We all get caught up in the hopes and dreams inspired in the moment. Sometimes, following that inspiration takes us to beautiful and wonderful places. Other times, it leads to a void that announces loudly that there is only the moment, and that it is empty when chasing the future. Are you living in the moment? Are you remembering to keep doing what you’ve been doing that works? I think we all need these encouraging reminders.

Still, the question remains, ‘how do I get what I want?’

What about you? How do you go about getting what you want?

? I love you…
Originally uploaded by Mzelle Biscotte

The weight bears down, bringing with it a reminder of all the hopes and dreams, the people and the moments, and the love aches to be remembered and fulfilled. Uncertain futures as good-byes are said, uncertain present times as the ground shifts underfoot, and the heart aches for the want of the goodness hoped for.

As much as positive thoughts are important, so are the heavy emotions. It is easy to get sucked into the lack point-of-view, however, looking a little deeper the pain of actually disguises a deeper desire. Rather than get sucked simply into a painful experience and feeling more like a victim, recognize the deeper desire, the love, the want and hope, and realize again just how little control we have other than our faith.

This happened this evening, and I hung on to the bitter-sweet truth, and spit out the bitter pill. The bitter-sweet good-bye, that still might hold a future, and all that you can do is to keep doing what you’ve been doing: Ride the waves.

From the Archives.

Love and life are funny things that often bewilder us, creating feelings within our body that are not really caused by any physical injury. Take heartbreak for example. Heartbreak is not a pain caused by a physical injury to the heart. The pain we feel is an emotionally generated pain, triggered in part by our mind based upon an experience. And what about that chemistry that jazzed the both of you when you met? Then wonder, “what more?”

Just as suddenly as the juices got jazzed you find yourself running, laughing, playing, and enjoying a budding relationship. You can’t believe you could be so lucky! You think about this miracle that came into your life throughout each day. You feel the energy in your body inspiring your life. You feel so alive! You know all of this though and realize you have to get through each day, keeping balance and perspective so you don’t neglect other areas of your life. Too bad about that really, it would be great to just walk off into the sunset and not have to worry about the realities of life for awhile. “Give us some time” I’d say, knowing that in time we’ll both come back to the planet looking to explore other avenues of our lives. Let’s get back to reality though.

Now, I can only speak for myself and others like me. I don’t fall in love to just walk away. Yet, too often, that is what we are required to do. As compatible as a relationship might feel or seem, timing could be everything. Someone’s distortion could have their values out of whack. Knowing the inner-qualities of each other, you could have even been certain that you’d never be dropped for material reasons. This love, this woman, or this man, is deeper than that. It’s there, in all the journals, in every conversation, in the eyes, and the vision for the future. Then life shows up and serves some humble pie.

Bad things happen to good people all the time. Someone is struck ill with a serious illness and before long the retirement savings are gone. The recovery can take months or even years, if at all – for some. The physical toll can be too great for some people to handle. The emotional stamina required to endure the trials may be to costly to another. The financial strain may threaten a required sense of security for others. For the person it is all happening to, it can have profound and life-changing impact.

Deep loss is experienced as an old identity passes away and a new identity comes into being. Death and birth, experiences equally bound in both pleasure and pain. Not just a physical death, a psychological death. Not just a physical birth, a metaphysical birth. Some people end up lost in the bottom of a bottle while others stab out the misery with a needle; both scenarios leading to more misery and death. These are just examples, the scenarios are limitless. Some recover, some don’t. Death isn’t the only thing that can kill you.

In spite of what we see on the streets and played out in the drama of each others’ lives, miracles still happen all the time. These miracles happen even through the loss and in spite of loss. Someone may truly be gone forever and yet, someone else is saved as a result. An illness could miraculously disappear, leaving no trace of ever having been there. Financial ruin could bring two closer together, empowering and strengthening beyond what each could do individually. Important changes in society could come about as lives are radically changed through tribulation.

Too often judgment is heard spilling from lips of those who don’t know or are arrogant. If you’ve ever fallen, why would you laugh at another who has fallen? You remember what it was like. You understand the pain and even the embarrassment you felt. You remember the judgment others threw in your face. Everybody hurts, sometimes. Judgment, ridicule, laughter, and self-righteousness are uncomfortable disguises of your own frailty. Bad things happen to good people all the time. It could happen to you. This is uncomfortable to admit. It recognizes your powerlessness to control every aspect of living your physical life on earth. You only control your response, reaction, your attitude.

As for the hurt that comes with the human experience, the shift in perspective can view the emotional pain as a good thing. The ache in the heart chakra is a blessing of your aliveness. It affirms your divine capacity to love another being. The ache that comes with the turmoil of disappointments affirms your love of self. The ache that comes with betrayal in society affirms your connection and love to your fellow beings. You are a divine creature living in a physical world. Lifting the veil, seeing your own inner-spirit, you will experience and observe and learn to be with the aching emotions. Make that your challenge – to ‘be with’ the pain and witness it as a good experience. Shift your perspective to see that your spiritual being is embracing each experience and will rise above each experience.

This brings me full-circle, right back to heartbreak. Don’t run away from love. Don’t run away from loving another. Run away from fear. Run away from doubt. There is power in love and it is the only thing that you have in life that cannot be taken away. Health: Who knows when, if, what, or why, but you could be hit. Money: That balance sheet is all over the place and depends a lot on other circumstances that may be beyond your control. And what will you give up for that? Too many look for the bling without really seeing the stars. If you’re wondering where to look, try deep into the eyes of the other.

Deny your feelings, control your emotions, are often suggestions we might have heard from various sources over the years, whether from family, friends, or experts. What robbery!

Anyone who has experienced traumatic moments in life understands the emotional impact, and the lasting impact of those emotions. Grief must be experienced, must be expressed, and must be processed, lest the owner drowns in their own despair.

I’ve known many people who have stepped forward with stories of illness in particular parts of their body. In conversations of discovery we learn that the ‘pain’ they carried emotionally in their life – controlling it, denying it, or ignoring it – was experienced most strongly at the point in their body that their illness had been diagnosed.

My own experiences have shown the complexity in the bodily experience of mind, body – feeling, body – emotion, and dare I say, body – group, and body – meta. How we use our mind can develop access to more sensory perception than we typically experience. We often recognize spiritual masters, leaders, etc., that have that certain something, and know that what they see is vastly different from our own perspective. We feel differently in their presence – we feel the difference in the crowd – and we feel the difference in the air, on the earth, and the ethereal world of thought.

Feelings are still intact, still sensing, taking in data, clear, uncluttered, and in tune. The emotions, on the other hand, are responses of a different nature. In many ways they can be good, and healthy. Equally they can harm. The only muscle you have to control that vicious beast, is your mind – awareness – choice.

Feelings allow your instincts, intuition, and senses to inform you of everything in and around you. You and I are connected, and this is where empathy can be developed in concert with a disciplined mind. Empathy without a disciplined mind can lead to emotional chaos, which could lead to mental and/or physical health issues.

Emotions are the rational brains triggers about past and future events. None of it is based in reality, only in supposition. In reality, the emotion is a trigger to cause you to think critically about a choice, recognizing past consequences against future possibilities. The problem is, emotions often get the better of us at times and all we do is see the negative. Little do we realize that in becoming more observant, taking full accountability for our ‘engagement’ with life around us, we might discover more subtle nuances in our behaviour – mental and emotional intelligence applied and in action – that truly dictated the outcome. I can’t tell you how many times I knew I was going to fail before I even started something. Get my meaning?

Trust your feelings, learn from your emotions, treating the emotions as movies and stories – documentaries. When watching, don’t look at the outcome, the external forces, the project, or any of the objects outside of the main character. Notice fully the main character and recall the experience fully, including the physical and emotional level. I’ve discovered that my own state-of-mind, reinforced by my emotions, thereby further reinforcing the trap, was unhealthy, cynical, negative, and in compassionate response to the events, very much understandable.

Law of Attraction. Emotions create reality. Emotions stir the Energy, stop the Energy, or stifle the Energy – the exciting flow of life that you may remember having feelings of in or throughout your physical body. When the emotions and mind begin to run amok, the combined impact on the flow of emotional energy immediately attracts the very things to reinforce the perceived reality. Regain that mind, harness that emotional energy, and reconnect to the feelings of truth, and it all will gain in strength – as will you, as am I.

Control the mind. Harness the emotions. Trust the feelings.

The Secret, The Power of Intention, Think and Grow Rich, and a myriad of other top-selling spiritually-minded self-help books send off a vibe that life is easy. Well, they don’t say it directly, however, as an audience we hear all the promises for potential and miss a good number of the steps necessary to get to that state. Let me explain.

Earlier in my life, I recognized the hardships, endured, and grew strong. Leading into adulthood, this strength brought me through more challenging times of change that were lived more like an adventure. Somewhere in the mix, after about a decade, a series of painful life incidents saw a carefully crafted life and lifestyle begin to whittle away. This time, I did not recognize the hardships, I did not endure successfully, and I did not grow strong. Quite the opposite felt to be happening.

Fast-forward through nearly a decade of soul-searching, spiritual-seeking, attending religious gatherings, reading self-help voraciously, and desperately trying to make sense of these circumstances, situations, and reactions that I encountered. My perspective, my viewpoint, was clouded by the emotional fog that I was now creating. This is losing your mind.

You see, the mind is your most powerful weapon, and your awareness must harness that mind’s power. Otherwise, your emotions run amok with your mind, and your mind runs amok with your emotions. A vicious cycle begins. Once you notice it, focus it again to the task: challenges, problems, opportunities, and how to overcome.

If you’ve been struggling, don’t expect what ought to be natural will be easy. You will have to work for this. I am.

more on life, emotions, and harnessing the mind coming soon

From the archives March 2, 2005

Too often today I read messages, books, and lessons that suggest “do not express your emotions.” Rather, it is expected that I “rise above them” and stay centred. There is some truth to those suggestions but it also ignores some steps.

Over the past two years I have dealt with the emotional turbulence that goes with marital breakdown, starting a business, financial pressure, challenging old belief structures, and discovering my truth for spirituality. Many times I was told, “let it go” and I would ask, “how do you do that?” I rarely received a reply, let alone an adequate one. Most often, I got a dumb look in return. You know the one, kind of a vacant stare.

Let it go is an expression for process. Let it go does not mean ‘do not feel bothered.’ Let it go means to engage, feel, and express your feelings. The danger of not letting go will store those feelings in the body. You’ve heard the warning; don’t bottle up your feelings. Bottled up feelings, stored energy in the body will cause greater and greater turmoil and intensity with each emotional encounter. Give it voice instead and you have let it go.

A baby can be happy in one instant, content, then bubbly and silly, to the loudest screeching at the highest decibels, suddenly laughing delightedly, and finally asleep contentedly. The baby switches gears easily moving from one emotional state to another. The baby gives full expression to the moment. You and I have been taught to not fully embrace or express our emotions. The instructions have been incomplete, contradictory, and self-serving.

• Anger is wrong, sadness is okay.
• Bottling it up is bad so let it go.
• You want a reason to cry? I’ll give you a reason to cry.
• Children are to be seen and not heard.
• You should be grateful for the pain.

Sometimes, these comments and the contradictions make you just want to run and hide from this insane world. You and I grow older, suppressing and controlling our feelings, biting our tongue, and learning to not burden others with emotions. One day, you suffer burnout, a breakdown, anxiety attacks, or a depression. One man I knew was driving home and went completely blank. He forgot who he was, where he lived, how to drive. This pattern of controlled destruction has to stop.

The next challenge is learning to let go as an adult. This requires an ability to communicate effectively and to be in touch with emotions. Too often things build up until a huge tirade and explosion takes out those closest to you and half the neighbourhood block. It becomes an attack instead of an expression of meaning. The attack adds more guilt and sorrow. Seeking forgiveness the sorrow and despair heighten as you are ignored for your outburst. Screaming babies are cooed, hugged, and comforted.

Emotions are important to the human experience. If they weren’t we wouldn’t have them. Don’t deny them. Don’t suppress them. Let them take voice as an expression of who you are, who you are here to be, and what you value. Don’t use them as a weapon to demean, belittle, or be vicious with another person. Emotions are all about you so own it and give them voice. I see a need for this to be learned and integrated back into our social fabric for a healthier society. Be the creative being that you and I were born to be.

Yesterday, I felt my emotions and I gave them voice. In doing so, I also gave voice to the values that I stand for and who I am here to be. I will live my life out loud, I will voice my passions, I will live my vision/dream, and I will be who I AM.

From the archives September 29, 2005

The sad clown attracts us and evokes a feeling of sadness and compassion. Have you ever noticed that the sadness and compassion really feels like it is for you? Often we live our suppressed emotional experiences through some other external situation, mainly entertainment. Once we’re in a safe environment, it’s okay to let it out. Except, you’ve buried so many emotions, you’re not sure what is left unexpressed. It can derail you at any time, upsetting your equilibrium, setting the waterworks at the drop of a hat, and blazing the rage with a tiny spark.

Consider a new way of being in this world; a way that allows the expression and understanding of your emotions. Imagine being present for others who are enmeshed in difficult times, barely coping to keep their emotions in check. What healing can occur! What strength will be gained! What friendship and loyalty will be developed! What team support will be developed! What courage will be found!

• If we’re human, then what does it mean to be human?
• If we’re spirit, then what does it mean to be spirit?
• If we’re emotions, then what does it mean to be feelings?
• If we’re the mind, then what does it mean to be thoughts?
• If we’re soul, then what does it mean to be soulful?

I believe we are spiritual beings having a physical, human experience. Within in that context, we experience many things on many levels. Could it be that this is what it means to be a multi-dimensional being? I’m not interested in empirical evidence and succinct clarity; I’m interested in the experience of being and living life. The complexity of existence and the human entity absolutely requires an element of faith and trust in an inner core that cannot be defined by science.

From the archives January 21, 2005

There is so much emphasis on emotional intelligence these days that it appears that people are suppressing their emotions and problems in an effort to “fit in,” to keep their jobs, and using “positive self-talk” to muscle through the rough spots in their lives.

Recently, I had a friend over who has suffered enormous job stress during a time when his wife’s father was dying of cancer. Of course, quitting his job didn’t seem like an option during this difficult period, particularly since his wife returned to her parental home for many months to say good-bye to her dying father. That left him at home to take care of their children, pay the bills, and so on. Who can forge positively into a new job-search with all that going on?

After his father-in-law passed away his wife returned home and he lost his job – as did many of his colleagues – and his wife decided she no longer wanted to remain married. What else could go wrong? OH! Of course! His father could be diagnosed with cancer: He was.

Now he is living a complete hell, with all of this turmoil, and two sweet children looking to him for stability. Is it any wonder that people are cracking under the strain?

He is all alone and he tries to be “emotionally together” but that only causes more harm than good. We (society), in our need for order and stability, don’t want people with all these problems in our lives. We don’t want them working in our office. They’re broken!

Well, the truth is, our (society) expectations around emotional intelligence, and together, full-functioning adults, is what is breaking them.

I spent three hours with him the other night, acknowledging his horrific circumstances, his emotional turmoil, and gave him permission to embrace it all. He’s not broken, he’s experiencing emotional pain and it needs to be expressed, embraced, and worked through (processed.) It’s not enough that he embrace it either. Community is required to surround, love, heal, and regenerate.

So, when we see hurting people, don’t look at them as broken people who haven’t got their act together. Look at them as someone who needs a bit of kindness, generosity, and loving support. Watch the power those simple things can have in their life.

So, when we see hurting people, don’t look at them as broken people who haven’t got their act together. Look at them as someone who needs a bit of kindness, generosity, and loving support. Watch the power those simple things can have in their life.

Caveat: This does not condone people remaining disempowered victims for the rest of their lives. Our role is to embrace and still to empower, leaving the “wounded one” to take responsibility for their recovery. Embrace, love, and challenge!

Read the rest of this entry »

From the Archives.

Many writers and editors critique the wordiness of my writing. I encourage you to embrace that feature. I’m not just sharing head-knowledge. I am endeavouring to take you to a place that you can feel, know, and understand.

Love and life are funny things that often bewilder us, creating feelings within our body that are not really caused by any physical injury. Take heartbreak for example. Heartbreak is not a pain caused by a physical injury to the heart. The pain we feel is an emotionally generated pain, triggered in part by our mind based upon an experience. And what about that chemistry that jazzed the both of you when you met? Then wonder, “what more?”

Just as suddenly as the juices got jazzed you find yourself running, laughing, playing, and enjoying a budding relationship. You can’t believe you could be so lucky! You think about this miracle that came into your life throughout each day. You feel the energy in your body inspiring your life. You feel so alive! You know all of this though and realize you have to get through each day, keeping balance and perspective so you don’t neglect other areas of your life. Too bad about that really, it would be great to just walk off into the sunset and not have to worry about the realities of life for awhile. “Give us some time” I’d say, knowing that in time we’ll both come back to the planet looking to explore other avenues of our lives. Let’s get back to reality though.

Now, I can only speak for myself and others like me. I don’t fall in love to just walk away. Yet, too often, that is what we are required to do. As compatible as a relationship might feel or seem, timing could be everything. Someone’s distortion could have their values out of whack. Knowing the inner-qualities of each other, you could have even been certain that you’d never be dropped for material reasons. This love, this woman, or this man, is deeper than that. It’s there, in all the journals, in every conversation, in the eyes, and the vision for the future. Then life shows up and serves some humble pie.

Bad things happen to good people all the time. Someone is struck ill with a serious illness and before long the retirement savings are gone. The recovery can take months or even years, if at all – for some. The physical toll can be too great for some people to handle. The emotional stamina required to endure the trials may be to costly to another. The financial strain may threaten a required sense of security for others. For the person it is all happening to, it can have profound and life-changing impact.

Deep loss is experienced as an old identity passes away and a new identity comes into being. Death and birth, experiences equally bound in both pleasure and pain. Not just a physical death, a psychological death. Not just a physical birth, a metaphysical birth. Some people end up lost in the bottom of a bottle while others stab out the misery with a needle; both scenarios leading to more misery and death. These are just examples, the scenarios are limitless. Some recover, some don’t. Death isn’t the only thing that can kill you.

In spite of what we see on the streets and played out in the drama of each others’ lives, miracles still happen all the time. These miracles happen even through the loss and in spite of loss. Someone may truly be gone forever and yet, someone else is saved as a result. An illness could miraculously disappear, leaving no trace of ever having been there. Financial ruin could bring two closer together, empowering and strengthening beyond what each could do individually. Important changes in society could come about as lives are radically changed through tribulation.

Too often judgment is heard spilling from lips of those who don’t know or are arrogant. If you’ve ever fallen, why would you laugh at another who has fallen? You remember what it was like. You understand the pain and even the embarrassment you felt. You remember the judgment others threw in your face. Everybody hurts, sometimes. Judgment, ridicule, laughter, and self-righteousness are uncomfortable disguises of your own frailty. Bad things happen to good people all the time. It could happen to you. This is uncomfortable to admit. It recognizes your powerlessness to control every aspect of living your physical life on earth. You only control your response, reaction, your attitude.

As for the hurt that comes with the human experience, the shift in perspective can view the emotional pain as a good thing. The ache in the heart chakra is a blessing of your aliveness. It affirms your divine capacity to love another being. The ache that comes with the turmoil of disappointments affirms your love of self. The ache that comes with betrayal in society affirms your connection and love to your fellow beings. You are a divine creature living in a physical world. Lifting the veil, seeing your own inner-spirit, you will experience and observe and learn to be with the aching emotions. Make that your challenge – to ‘be with’ the pain and witness it as a good experience. Shift your perspective to see that your spiritual being is embracing each experience and will rise above each experience.

This brings me full-circle, right back to heartbreak. Don’t run away from love. Don’t run away from loving another. Run away from fear. Run away from doubt. There is power in love and it is the only thing that you have in life that cannot be taken away. Health: Who knows when, if, what, or why, but you could be hit. Money: That balance sheet is all over the place and depends a lot on other circumstances that may be beyond your control. And what will you give up for that? Too many look for the bling without really seeing the stars. If you’re wondering where to look, try deep into the eyes of the other.

Nobody likes to be sick. Runny noses, aching muscles, bones, and organs, sneezing, coughing, headaches, shivers, chills, fevers, and other unmentionable symptoms wrack the body, and suck the energy right out of the body.

This is exactly where I have found myself the last few days with an overwhelming force. Prior to that I struggled for a week and a half to fight off what I thought might be a cold, recognized by the sore throat, chest cough, and runny nose. Well, this weekend everything took hold and a flu onslaught took me down for the count.

That’s why I didn’t write over the weekend, like I normally do. Even now, I had something to share but my thought processes keep being drawn back to the physical body. To health, to recovery, to taking care of the physical well-being. Could be the reason, because the state of consciousness is somewhat different during this time.

Check it out next time your hurt or sick – see if you notice this difference.

More or less, what I also wanted to share is that periods of stress that affect the physical body often lead to short bursts of illness. So, watching the signals from the body sooner can allow corrective action sooner. Myself, I like to think I’m invulnerable sometimes and let things get the better of me. Just took a temperature of 102…. oops.

Back to bed.